


holding onto you for dear life

by olrazzzledazzzle



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: AU, Fluff, M/M, SO MUCH FLUFF, beautiful art oml, lil angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-25
Updated: 2018-01-25
Packaged: 2019-03-09 09:41:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13478766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/olrazzzledazzzle/pseuds/olrazzzledazzzle
Summary: This movie was much, /much/ too stressful for them, Dan in particular. He’d planned to make this something he was /proud/ of, but at the rate he was going, that definitely wasn’t going to happen. Leave it to Phil to see right through his boyfriend and book a month-long trip to a remote cabin in Scotland to calm him down and clear their minds. The following is what ensues on the island.





	holding onto you for dear life

**Author's Note:**

> SCREECH
> 
> okayokay so this is my fic for the phandom reverse bang 2017 that’s just a lil late but that’s a alright !!
> 
> the stunning artwork was made by psychicmoth on tumblr and the amazing beta we had was bladegays on tumblr: please /please/ go show them some love !! they’re so so fantastic and so patient and they such a blessing of a team to work with tbh 
> 
> (also !! side note, the title is from a lewis watson song called sink or swim, and its so lovely and homey and that was super inspiring for me to write this. i definitely suggest listening to a bunch of lewis watson songs while reading this !! it makes the read way better and cozier tbh)

“Fuck off, Phil!” 

Right. What the /Hell/ was Dan’s problem? 

“What- Dan, chill out-”

“Get out of my room, holy shit, please, I need to work! I don't bother you while you work, do I?” Dan was /definitely/ mistaken and they both knew it. In all honesty, Dan probably harassed Phil more while Phil was working than the other way around — which is why Phil was so damn confused when Dan started cussing him out and trying to get him out of his room. What had gotten into him?

Phil was about to oppose. He really was, but he knew that if Dan was stressed about something, it would only get them into more trouble together. Phil wasn’t really in the mood for a fight, so he simply dropped it. 

He nodded silently and walked out of the room, not to see Dan for the rest of the night. He ordered pizza — Dan’s favorite kind, too, so when he messaged him telling him what he got, he was surprised not to see a reply and not to hear elephant feet immediately padding down the stairs to check it out. Alright, something was /definitely/ wrong with his boyfriend. First, he yells at him? That was totally out of the ordinary, Dan cursed a /lot/ but never /at/ Phil. In conversation, yeah, but not /at/ him. Then, he doesn’t even come down for pizza. What the Hell?

“Dan, are you still working?” Phil quietly crept upstairs in order to see what Dan’s goddamn issue was, slowly and softly knocking on his door. “Dan?”

He didn't get an answer from the younger man inside. Suspicious…

Effortlessly twisting the knob open, he saw his boyfriend laying on his bed, laptop in front of his face, his eyes peeled open. Phil swallowed hard. 

“Dan? Are you still working? You need something to eat-”

“Deadlines, fucking Hell, Phil! I know /you/ don’t procrastinate as much as /I/ do and you /really wouldn’t understand/ but I need my script finished in, like, two fucking days and I’m nowhere near done. Please, can you just go to bed and not worry about me?” His voice was cold, harsh and distracted. It only made Phil worry further. 

“N-no, Dan, I-I always sleep in here with you, I need to take a break-” he swallowed again, his throat beginning to dry up. Shit, this was /not/ good. Dan and stress never, ever went well together.. 

“I can’t take a goddamn break, Phil, get that through your head /please/.”

So, Phil rung up Louise after trudging slowly off to his room. He had a pillow clutched to his chest in the meantime, a few stray tears falling and melting into the soft, worn out fabric. Dan hardly ever treated him like this and he swore the last time was probably back in 2012 when they fought /constantly/. He wouldn’t let Dan find out he was crying though, he knew Dan would start to feel guilty and Dan just needed to work. 

“Phil?” The female’s voice was assuring and sweet. She was likely spending time with her husband or daughter and Phil felt sort of guilty for calling her up so randomly — /especially/ after not having spoken to her for ages. Still though, when she heard him sniffling, her mother-like qualities immediately bled through the speakers and she was frankly worried and nervous about why Phil seemed to be crying. 

“L-Louise, Dan’s just gotten really angry with me and I hate sleeping in here alone. He won't let me talk to him, what do I do?” He murmured quietly, almost silently, sniffling. Her heart broke across the phone line. 

“Oh, no, Phil, I’m sorry. When was the last time you both fought? Why’s he angry?” Her voice was calm and soothing, it was a nice contrast against what he’d just witnessed. 

“He’s not finished a script that’s due in a couple days and he’s getting so stressed out and he won't let me help. You’re good with boy problems, what do I do?” He murmured again, emitting a chuckle from the woman on the other line. 

She laughed again, “thank you, Phil, but I hardly think that. Um, maybe you could have him take a break? I don’t know, maybe go to the cinema tomorrow to get his mind off of it? Go on a drive somewhere?” 

There’s where Phil got the marvellous idea that started it all. 

“You're a genius, Louise!” He bolt up in bed and wiped his eyes quickly, suddenly grinning through the obvious tear stains on his reddened cheeks. 

“Uh, thank you? I wish you both good luck!”  
\----  
In Phil's mind, a getaway was the perfect idea. It’s been ages since they left the house for more than an afternoon, and clearly Dan needed to clear his mind. He’d already called the team and told them they’d be going on a small break away from civilization and briefly explained that Dan was getting much too stressed and needed a break. 

They gave him a month to help Dan back into his old mentality, obviously he was much too stressed to take this project on and finish it while still being proud and happy with it. While that time was only the limit, Phil took it as a challenge. 

As he read on his computer places they could go, he finally, /finally/ stumbled upon a page with the ten most secluded places to go in the United Kingdom. Perfect. The perfect location Phil found was nestled in a small corner in Scotland, the name it went by, or rather, the building it was known for was a pub. /The Old Forge Pub/. Away from most civilization with only a few buildings, a remote pub and just a handful of people that lived there, Phil booked one of the few cabins immediately after he found out about this particular land. Oh, it was dreamy, honest. It was likely always hazy and dreary there, because judging by most of the photos it didn’t ever look very sunny but /damn/, did it look beautiful in the previews that had the sun shimmering on the lake. 

“Dan, Dan, pack everything you own! I called the agency thing for the film and they said it was fine that we took a break for a while. And-and I’ve got a really nice place to /Scotland/!” He exclaimed excitedly, bursting into Dan’s room. It was quiet in there previously, but that quiet was awfully disturbed, making Dan jump. He looked up to Phil with squinted eyes. Was he for real?

“Are you serious?” He asked quietly, moving his laptop off of his lap and cautiously standing up from underneath the covers. “You're kidding, they would never give us a break..” he murmured, his eyes widening at every second that Phil /doesn’t/ admit he’s just kidding. 

Phil chuckled and shook his head, “no! No, I’m serious, they let us take a month long break to figure stuff out and stop stressing out so much.” He explained, raising his eyebrows at Dan because that last part was /definitely/ aimed at him. Dan only groaned and rolled his eyes. 

“Oh, shut up, I know I have no idea how to manage my time, okay? I’m- uh, sorry I snapped at you by the way..” he murmured, awkwardly looking away from Phil. As much as Phil could probably go on a mom-rant and tell him everything he felt the night before, he only shook his head. 

“I understand. It’s fine, don’t worry about it, yeah? You were stressed. It’s not the first time it’s happened. But, uh, we may or may not be leaving tomorrow evening so I’d suggest starting to pack as soon as you can…?” Phil’s cheeks tinted slightly as he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. Yeah, okay, maybe he could’ve booked it a few days later to give them time but hey, the flight to Scotland would’ve had to have been pushed back and everything could’ve simply happened sooner this way. The sooner the better, right? 

Dan hazily packed hours before the flight that morning. The plane to Scotland was surprisingly short, actually, though rather eventful. From the cheap champagne served to kicking and screaming kids, they hardly got a break. Dan wasn’t really concerned with the children, for all he cared, they could scream as much as he wanted — he was rather being constantly bombarded with excitement because /holy shit, they were going to Scotland together/! Dan could truly and honestly hardly believe his luck to have found such a brilliant boyfriend and best friend. Who really, realistically helped their partners out that much? He was honestly a blessing, an angel in Dan’s eyes and he was a hundred and ten percent sure that would never change. 

Those thoughts lasted the entirety of the travel (not only by plane but also by boat — that was /much/ more relaxing and quiet) from London to the location of the iconic, remote pub.  
\----  
The day after the boys got to the cabin, they mutually decided it would probably be best to temporarily get rid of what was originally why they decided to leave. They logged out of their Twitter’s, Instagram’s, Tumblr’s — everything they could think of. This trip was supposed to help Dan feel better and surely having the stress of the internet being around them while on this /remote/ island wouldn’t be good for him. It’d be too much of a distraction.

Just a few days later, both boys were already definitely having major withdrawal symptoms, as expected. They’d made sure to keep their laptops out of usual arms reach to make sure they wouldn’t be tempted to go on them. 

 

Easier said than done…?

“Hmph, Phil, seriously, can I please just check for a few minutes? This is like giving up your child- Tumblr needs me!” With a few sets of puppy dog eyes and dramatic whining, Dan got his way. He went back on Twitter first and groaned at the latest tweet — “hey guys, sorry but me and phil will be going on a trip for about a month because i havent been feeling too great mentally? don’t worry though i’ll be fine 1/2” “@danielhowell 2/2 i need to get away from the internet a while lol but cant wait to be back already, love you guys!”

Tweeted just /three/ fucking days ago. He surely couldn’t let anyone see him stalking Twitter and God knows he’d accidentally like somebody’s tweet. Everyone would tease him for not being able to stay away from social media...they’d /never/ live it down! “I can’t do this. Everyone’s gonna be pissed at me!” Dan exclaimed, tilting his head back in slight agony. “God fucking /knows/ I’ll accidentally like something of someone's and I'm not willing to go through that embarrassment.”

Phil laughed it off and took Dan’s computer from his lap, rolling his eyes at the way he seemed to act so dramatic about this. “I’m sure they’d understand but hey, if you don’t want to anymore, it’s fine. C’mon, let’s...maybe go eat something?”

“Perfect idea. Drown my feelings in food. Let’s go.”  
\----  
It’s not like the rain was untypical for this trip, especially in Scotland. It was only a week into their getaway and it, so far, had rained /constantly/ where they were staying. They had yet to see just a few hours of sunshine. When they decided to venture out today, though, it wasn’t anything even mildly different — the rain was still coming down, the look of the sky outside the windows of the cabin was a spitting image of the way it looked every day since they’d arrived a week ago. 

Not like they weren’t used to the rain though, it was incredibly common but they decided that they wouldn’t let it bitter their moods about the trip. This trip was to relax them, after all, right? 

“Fuck, it’s /still/ raining? We’ve been here a week already, why hasn't it stopped raining yet, Jesus Christ!” Dan exclaimed after trudging slowly out of the bedroom, peering out of one of the small windows in the kitchen. He then approached the door that lead to the deck and put his hands against the glass, his skin prickling with goosebumps, shivering. 

“Morning, /Sleeping Beauty/. I don’t think so. I thought it stopped a while? It’s gotten quieter, at least.” Phil turned around slowly, glad Dan was at least now awake. He was definitely surprised at how long he’d been asleep, at least. He didn’t want Dan to sleep this trip away. 

“Well, it’s raining now. How long have you been awake?” He asked stubbornly, his teeth starting to chatter slightly. “Jesus, it's cold in here. What’s the temperature at, Phil?” He asked, frowning slightly at Phil. Phil turned around once more, rolling his eyes. 

“A while. Right, well if you actually put some clothes on,” Phil teased, a small smile spreading quickly across his face. Dan only groaned. He was stood without a shirt on, in some old pair of shorts he only ever sometimes slept in. 

“Shut up, it was hot last night.” He defended. 

“Yeah, well, /you’re/ the one who always cuddles into /me/, you have nothing to complain about! Now seriously, you should get some clothes on. You'll get way too cold in here.” Phil chuckled and rolled his eyes at Dan’s childish mannerisms. 

Thank God for his mumbling problem, because Dan didn't really want Phil to have heard what he said, though Phil could definitely make out something along the lines of “you’re nice to cuddle though.” It made Phil giggle slightly. “Hey, who /wouldn’t/ want to see me shirtless? I'm sure everyone would /drool/ if they saw me this way.” 

Phil knew Dan probably didn’t want him to /actually/. have heard that, so he simply dropped it, much to Dan's pleasure. He turned from the stove, a kettle in hand. When did he get that? “Whatever, you dork. Do you want some tea to warm up?” Phil asked softly, groaning, setting the kettle back down to reach up and grabbed the tea bags from a high cupboard. 

“Yeah, please.” He mumbled. He’d reached over the table and started fidgeting with whatever his hands could find, staring out the window. The quiet, light pitter-patter of the rain was calming and the gray in the sky gave Dan a sense of comfort, probably the same sensation the sunshine gave most people. 

Phil walked over to the table, a bit nervous to disturb his boyfriend or break him from this obvious trance. “You good there?” 

“U-uh, yeah, m’fine,” Dan quickly turned from the window and took his hands back, a newfound smile spreading across his face, sitting properly back in his chair, wincing slightly at the cold wood of the chair. Phil chuckled again. He hoped Dan would be willing to go /out/ in the rain, he was already getting rather claustrophobic, staying cooped up in the cabin the whole last week. 

“We could probably go and get some more tea flavours, yeah?” Dan rolled his eyes at the handful of bags Phil put down. Phil, similarity, rolled his blue ones, a sarcastic comment about how Dan had chosen them escaping his lips. 

“If we actually manage to find a store around here, sure.” Phil nodded. 

“We haven't even left this damned cabin, it’s been raining the whole goddamn trip so far!” He exclaimed, reaching over for the glass of tea Phil poured out for him. “Hell, we are /so/ British. /Too/ British.” 

“I /know/!” Phil threw his hands up in agreement, nodding quickly at Dan’s words. “Can we go out today? Raining has never stopped us from going out at home..” Phil quickly brought his energy back down to what was acceptable at the early-morning table. 

Dan simply shrugged and chuckled. “I guess we can. But like, we never go outside regardless of if it’s raining or not, you can't use that as an excuse. We’re just /disgustingly/ lazy people.” He looked back over at the window, smiling as he heard Phil laugh at his joke. “You laugh but you know it’s true.” 

“It really is.”

By the time they finished their tea, the rain had picked up slightly. It was enough to get someone decently wet if they were to stay out too long. Luckily enough for the boys though, they didn't really care. 

Well, aside from a nagging voice in the back of Dan’s mind — /it’ll mess up your hair, it’ll get wet and you know what happens when it’s wet. Yeah, it gets curly/. That thought simply on its own made Dan shudder in his seat. 

“Okay, can we go now, Dan? Go get dressed!” Phil exclaimed quickly, trying to pull his boyfriend up from the seat he was clearly very comfortable in. Dan simply groaned, frowned slightly and for up, stomping away to the bedroom. Quickly enough, he straightened his brown locks and threw on a shirt, a waterproof jacket (with a hood) and jeans.

“Phil, do you really not think it’s a too wet outside to go and venture out? We’ll bring so much water into the shop, seriously,” Dan tried to reason, biting on his chapped, bottom lip. 

“I don’t think it’s too wet. Come on, we need better a tea selection! We brought awful flavours.” Phil frowned, bounding over to the half-wall they had in the cabin which held Phil’s waterproof jacket. He slipped it over his arms and looked back up at Dan, still standing in the connecting kitchen. “Come on,” he started, bending down to grab his shoes, “it /won’t/ kill you.” 

The only thing Dan could think of was the fact that it could kill his twenty minutes of hard work on straightening his hair this morning, honestly. Even /with/ a hood, he could imagine his hair getting wet and curly and frizzy- he shuddered again. 

But he couldn’t let Phil down. /Never/ could he let Phil down. “Okay, okay. Let’s go, then. To the store and back?” 

“Maybe we could take a pit stop somewhere. Maybe to the forest? We haven’t gone in there yet.” He shrugged softly, finally thin up his laces on his shoes and standing back up, dusting his stomach off. He held his hand out to usher Dan to come over. “Coming? I’ll go alone if you want.” 

“No. I’m coming.”

They found an array of different flavours of tea down the aisles at the store they found themselves at. It was small, /really/ small, they were the only two people in there, beside the lonesome cashier. He almost seemed to be rather /surprised/ when Dan and Phil strutted in. The look on his face was sort of hilarious. 

“Orange peach? Ooh, /mint/? These all sound so good, why do we never find good flavours like this back home?!” Dan found the tea first, rather taken aback by the massive stock they had on the shelves. There were /flavours/ upon /flavours/ of tea and holy Hell, was Dan ever excited. He jokingly grabbed at least ten boxes from the shelf, eyes wide and laughing. 

“Dunno. Maybe we can stock up, buy all of these out and bring some back?” Phil chuckled and shook his head, grabbing a couple boxes from Dan’s arms and examining them, sorting through the different flavours. 

“Definitely. We’re definitely doing that! Along with literally all of the rest of the food in this store. Seriously, who knew Scotland had such better treats than England, Jesus Christ!” They agreed on just two boxes of tea to take back but made sure they would come back to this store before they went home again. Soon enough, they made their way back to the cabin to put the tea away and got an umbrella for their adventure into the woods. 

“Do we absolutely /have/ to go out again? I'm really feeling like staying in now, all of that goddamn walking was way too much effort!” Dan complained, frowning as soon as Phil tried to usher him back outside. He liked spending time with his boyfriend and he really hoped this didn't come off as douchey in any way, but he really didn't want to be outside and risk getting his hair curly for any longer than necessary. 

“Yes, Dan, you promised me! It doesn’t have to be long, just a little dabble into the forest, /pleeease/?” Phil pleased, clasping his hands together. 

“Okay, on your knees, beg for me.” Dan joked. Phil’s eyes widened slightly. “/Phil/, Jesus! I did /not/ mean that!” Dan lunged forward, hitting Phil's arm. They both burst out laughing. Right, yeah, of course Dan didn’t /really/ mean it, it /was/ a joke and they both knew that. 

They needed to do out for their walk, obviously. They had no time for begging. 

After a short quarter of an hour, Dan was dragged against his will (though, Phil would really beg to differ— he knew Dan would spend as much time with him as he could doing close to anything with him) into the forest. Phil and him walked hand-in-hand behind the cabin, trailing into the abundance of trees. 

“It’s not raining, at least.” Dan murmured quietly. He was /really/ glad the rain decided to lay off for a while, he was actually able to keep his hood down for a good portion of the walk. Actually, satisfyingly enough, the rain had stopped — it was mostly just gray outside the whole walk — for the most part. Still, the air was moist and thick and goddammit, Dan’s hair definitely started to curl. Much to the displeasure of Dan, but oppositely, to the great pleasure of Phil. He secretly liked Dan’s hair curly more than straight. But only secretly, Dan would have his head if he said that out loud. 

“Oh my /God/, Dan!” Phil exclaimed, extending a hand out in front of his lover. Dan walked right into it, gasping out a small squeak that could’ve sounded similar to a hint of pain, though Phil didn't really care enough to notice right now. There was another /living thing here/ and he /needed/ to get it documented! 

“What?” He asked, quite annoyed Phil literally just winded him for seemingly no reason. Still though, whatever it was definitely spiked Phil's interest so he had no choice but to see what it was. Phil’s eyes were wide to the sight, his other arm extended outwards, his pointer finger pointing across the path. Reluctantly, Dan’s gaze followed the direction in which Phil’s finger was leading and chuckled softly. “It’s a bunny?” Yeah, it was cute and all, but was that really a reason to hit Dan? Whether by accident or not? 

“Yes!” Phil exclaimed excitedly, another gasp escaping his mouth. He was practically shaking with excitement by this point. It had been a /long/ time since he’d seen a rabbit, nevermind this close! His mind flashed back to Holly a few times, the old bunny he used to have as a child. If his mind and brain weren't so set on getting a hamster and dogs with Dan someday, he would definitely get a small rabbit as a third choice. They were /awesome/ pets. 

“Yes, you dork, it’s very cute. But I think we need to get back soon. It’s starting to rain again..” Dan trailed off, looking from the rabbit and back to his stunned boyfriend multiple times. What was the big deal here? It’s not like they were completely alone on this island, after all…? 

“Daniel James Howell, did you just call Steve, the /clearly/ male rabbit, an /it’s/?!” Phil finally turned from the rabbit to Dan, his hands finding their way to his hips. Now Dan wouldn't necessarily call his boyfriend sassy, by any means, but this...well, it was never really a good idea to make fun of Phil's animal obsession. Found that usually resulted in sassy responses and hands-on-hips, sort of like an angry suburban mother. Same difference, right? 

“Uh, no, I-I said he! Sorry, but it’s just a rabbit and we really need to go soon. It's going to rain again, take a photo and let’s get a move on?” Dan suggested quickly, gesturing to Phil’s pocket slowly, an unconvincing smile appearing on his face. “Please? Pretty please, for me? Because I love you and you love me?” 

Phil simply dropped his hands and rolled his eyes, taking his phone out of his pocket, a step towards the rabbit. As he unlocked his phone and entered the camera app, he took another step. Just...one more step for good luck and-

“/Shit/!” 

The rabbit quickly noticed the boys, springing up and sprinting away from his previous stance in the grass at top speed, likely scared out of its wits. 

“Holy shit, Phil,” Dan jumped slightly, the curse taking him by surprise. Obviously it was /no problem/ that Phil swore, it was just very uncommon. “What- /oh/. I’m sorry. I scared it away, I’m assuming? Here, blame it on me, if it would make you feel better?”

Phil turned to Dan, rolling his eyes and shaking his head, stuffing his hands back into his jacket. “Wasn't your fault, Dan. Let’s just go. Damn rabbit.” He murmured, pouting. He turned away from where he was standing, kicking the wet grass on the ground. 

“Aw, /babe/,” Dan murmured sarcastically. He definitely never used that word unironically, that was for sure, and Phil knew it. Which is why it provoked a small, hesitant laugh from Phil. “Don’t be like that. I’m sure there’s a thousand rabbits around here. Hey, there were some sheep when we first arrived, right?” He muttered, shrugging his shoulders at the suggestion. He reached into Phil's pocket and grabbed his hand out, interlinking their fingers together, like they had done probably thousands upon thousands of times. It brought a bigger smile to Phil's cold, flushed face, at least. Dan never really realized how goddamn cold it was outside until his hand was starting to heat up and he shivered. 

“I think so. I can’t remember if we saw any sheep or not. I’d love to see them again, though, wouldn’t you?” 

“Of course I would. Hmph, hey, at least you get to see my fucking /curly/ hair.” Dan muttered, looking over at Phil as he pulled them closer to the head of the trail. Phil was now smiling wide, his slightly crooked teeth showing very obviously. It was something Dan knew Phil used to be quite insecure about and he thought that was why he always covered his mouth when he laughed too hard. He always thought it was cute, though. He helped Phil come to love and embrace them, at least. He showed his teeth more and more, especially /only/ in front of his boyfriend. It was sort of a special thing for them. 

“I know! Yes, that’s definitely a plus! It’s beautiful, just like /you/!” Phil brought his other hand to Dan’s nose, poking it and sticking his tongue out slightly, his hand finding its way to Dan’s head of now frizzy and curly hair. “How did you know how much I’ve always loved your hair all frizzy and wavy and beautiful like this?” 

“Lucky guess. You’re, like, /super/ stealthy and secretive about it, you’re a closeted curly-haired Dan-fan for /sure/.” Dan retorted sarcastically, a laugh escaping his chapped lips. 

“Hey, it’s not only me! /Everyone/ loves it! The viewers do too! You should really leave it curly sometimes, embrace it, you know? You helped me embrace- you know what, you helped me with my teeth, I’ll help you with your natural hair. Straightening your hair is overrated anyway, nobody really does that anymore, right?” 

The whole walk back consisted of Dan retorting about how much he hated his hair and Phil saying how much he loved it. In the end, once they arrived back, Dan agreed to keep it.

At least for today. Not for the internet or anything, /just/ something they could share between the two of them and that was /it/, right?  
\----  
“Jesus Christ, Phil, what /was/ that?! I swear to God,” Dan bounced up quickly, immediately cursing under his breath at the sound of Phil..dropping /something/, which wasn’t really untypical or new but still rather annoying. Phil was wide-eyed, standing still as stone on the ground. There were broken shards of glass everywhere on the kitchen floor and he let out a sharp yelp. Dan regretted his tone as soon as he saw Phil standing as still and horrified as he was. 

“No, don’t come in here unless you have shoes, I broke a really big glass!” Phil exclaimed, his eyes wider than before as he caught the corner of Dan’s shadow in his eye, coming into the kitchen. Dan frowned, pinched the bridge of his nose, groaning quietly. 

“/Again/? Okay, okay, I’ll go get you your shoes and we can clean this up. /Do not move/, whatever you do!” Dan yelled quickly, already on his way to the shoes by the front door. Unsurprisingly, there was rain pounding on the roof of the house, making this situation much more stressful. As Dan walked back, he saw Phil standing scarily still, his chest heaving heavily.

“Right, I’ve got your shoes, put them on and carefully step out of there.” Dan had his own shoes equipped to be able to walk through the glass safely. He handed Phil’s shoes to him, hardly catching sight of the way his skin was flushed and red. He was /horrified/, glass shattering at home was bad but this wasn’t even theirs, what if they got in trouble? Plus, this glass wasn’t exactly, well, /small/. There was a lot of glass on the ground. 

“Thank you,” Phil murmured, leaning on Dan shakily for support while he slipped his shoes on. Soon enough, Dan got a broom and started to sweep everything up, Phil staying a decent amount of steps away from the scene. Knowing him, if he got too close, he’d fall face-first into the shards and, well, they weren’t near civilization or a hospital and that would definitely end a thousand times worse than it would for any other person existing. “I’m sorry for dropping the glass. Is it all cleaned up?” He asked softly, examining Dan standing up with the dustpan firm in his hand. Soon, he was standing facing the trash can, dumping the shards into the bag and smiling. He bent down on the ground, looking around to make sure he hadn’t missed any pieces. 

“It’s alright. Yeah, I’m pretty sure it’s all cleaned up.” 

“I was just trying to move the glasses to grab a mug and make some coffee. /Apparently/ the entire universe is against me.” Phil crossed his arms over his chest, rolling his eyes. “Well I hate you too, universe! Take that.” 

“Phil, saying you hate the universe will not make it any happier. Anyways, why don’t we make some coffee together? Do we have stuff to make lattes or something?” Dan asked, trying to bring the mood back up. He opened the fridge, looking around. He pulled out a carton of unopened milk and set it on the counter, looking up at the dreaded cupboard. “Okay. Why don’t you get the...uh, how do you make lattes again? Y’know what, never mind, you drink black coffee, right? Sounds way too difficult. Maybe we can find some sugar.” By this point, Dan was practically just mumbling to himself, as per usual. Phil was staring at his boyfriend in adoration, a cartoony-type, toothy smile spreading across his face. 

“Yeah, we have sugar- /wait/, oh my God, can we try and remake Starbucks drinks? I’ve never tried to do that before!” Phil exclaimed, his sour mood immediately lifting at the idea. 

Dan turned around, his eyebrows how high on his face, meeting his partially-straight hair at the edge. He heard a soft giggle escape his lips at the excitement from Phil, “I...guess so?. Do we have caramel sauce?” He asked quickly, immediately racing back to the fridge. Phil shrugged, “probably not. We might have chocolate sauce though, right? Who doesn’t have-”

“Yes!” Dan exclaimed, pulling his head out of the fridge, successful. He had a bottle of caramel sauce in his left hand, his right one shutting the door of the cool appliance quickly. He handed it to Phil and turned to the counter to plug the coffee machine in.

“We can do this, right? Caramel macchiato. It’s so easy, right? Just...heat up some milk, make coffee, put caramel and sugar into it? Easy enough, right?”

It was /not/ that easy. 

“Jesus fuck, the fans would’ve /loved/ to see this. You know they’d pay us arms and legs to see footage of it, right?” 

Actually, it probably /could/ have been a hilarious video to upload, especially because they ended up with caramel sauce and milk /everywhere/. It probably didn’t help that they accidentally may or may not have left the stove on a little bit longer than they should have? The smoke detector went off and they were doubling over in laughter. 

Well, right, after they repetitively smacked the detector with multiple towels and made absolute sure to shut the stove off. 

In the end, they made black, sugary coffee. That was basically all they could really make without literally burning the entire cabin down. Plus, after the glass and fire-alarm incident, they sort of just needed something simple to calm down with. 

Coffee with cuddles in front of the television, of course.  
\----  
Today was the first time Dan and Phil decided to bring up the internet again since arriving at the cabin. It was at the pub, /The Old Forge Pub/, for specifics. They had simply been venturing out once again, eager to find something /other/ than the shop that sold a thousand and two different flavours of tea. They came across the pub fairly quickly, where there were about four cars outside. Likely a bartender and a couple people? 

When they pushed the door open, both of their eyes widened in surprise. They expected it to be a rather..bad looking place, but it was /surprisingly/ clean and well kept. “Ah, welcome!” Was what they were quickly greeted with. 

As if on cue, like they were in front of fans, they dropped their interlaced hands. A seriously tragic habit. Walking a few centimetres further apart. They would never risk getting outed, and worse, what if someone in here saw that? 

“Sit down, sit down, we’ll get you some beer, yes?” It was the bartender. Probably a little bit overdoing it, a bit overly happy, but hey, it was better to be over the top than under it, especially when in business. 

“Yes, thank you.” Dan took initiation, motioning for Phil to follow him. Simply nodding and following his now-secret boyfriend, they were led to a two-person table, one on either side of the small, square-shaped platform. “Thank you again! We’ll take two of whatever ya’ got.” 

“On it!”

Just a few minutes later, they were brought out two tall, cold beers in glasses with the logo of the pub printed on them. They both smiled and waved the bartender away. He went back to talking with one of the few couples sitting at the bar. 

Dan and Phil chatted about /everything/ that came to mind that night. Predominantly the fact that they couldn’t hold hands in here, couldn’t kiss, couldn't do anything even /slightly/ affectionate just on the off chance that someone knew who they were or that someone knew they could be revealed to the whole internet. Honestly, if they were outed without their consent, they’d likely quit YouTube, at least for a while. Just the thought of that happening to them made their blood freeze. 

“This’ll sound disgustingly cheesy, I know, but I don't think people realize how much they really want something until they lose it. We haven't even been forced to stop, well, dating, I guess, for half an hour and I’m already feeling the overwhelming urge to hold your hand right now. I hate being online sometimes. Fuck, it's like you have to keep everything to yourself. It’s so exhausting.” Dan said way too much, he knew, and he was simply starting to ramble at this point, he was also aware, but Hell if he cared. 

“I get what you mean.” Phil took another swig of the beer. “This is really good, actually!” He exclaimed happily, smiling bright. He wore crooked teeth while Dan wore curly hair. 

“Do you think it would all just..be easier to come out sometimes?” Dan asked softly. He reached out to grab his beer and took a gulp of it. “It is though!” 

“It probably would be easier but hey, we have a right to keep something to ourselves, right? We’re online for /comedy/, not to be shipped by everyone. That’s not why we make our content. Honestly! It shouldn't matter to them, should it?” Phil asked, frowning slightly. It definitely needed to be discussed sometimes but that didn’t make this topic one he /liked/ to talk about…

“It really shouldn't.”

And so concluded /that/ conversation. They finished the beers quickly, ordering another round. Beer this good would probably hurt their wallets majorly but whatever, it was /good/. Nice to be free every once in awhile, right? 

After three tall beers each, the boys were both starting to get a bit tipsy. In other words, touchy. Well, it only lasted a minute at /most/ before they saw the bartender staring at them, a small grin on his face.

“Fuck, shit, no, /fuck/, he’s going to out us, holy fuck, Phil, we need to leave-” immediately, the boys ripped away from each other. There was no /way/ they could be outed, not on this trip, it was meant to make them relaxed and not have to worry about this, if only for a while… 

“Ah, boys, don’t worry about it. You two married? What are ya so scared of?” The man had a scruffy beard, a thick Scottish accent and sparkly, green eyes. He looked like someone who could definitely kill you with one punch but his voice resembled one of a small, innocent animal. 

“N-no, we’re not married! We’re not together-” Dan tried to assure, a nervous smile spreading across his face and an even more nervous laugh to match. Phil’s face paled.

Phil definitely heard his heart shatter at that. 

He knew it was for protection, he /knew/ that. It was like muscle memory or something. Don’t get him wrong, really, but it was just..even enough he knew Dan never meant it that way whenever he said something like that — that they /weren't/ together — it almost made him feel like Dan was a bit /ashamed/ to date him. He knew it wasn’t true, he knew that deep down, but it still /hurt/. That was allowed, right? It wasn’t Phil's fault it always hurt him to hear it. They couldn’t be outed. 

He understood, but it still hurt. 

“C’mon, guys, lighten up! Name’s Campbell. I’ll letcha in on a little secret, yeah? My son, he’s gay, he’s got a great boyfriend, and I love the kid. I never used to be very, huh, fond of gay people, let me admit, but I definitely can’t discriminate against them. It wouldn’t be fair to my son, y’know?” The lovers sat and listened with similar feelings building up in their chests. Do they drunkenly tell this nice man why they /really/ had to hide?

“I’m Dan, that’s Phil and, uh, that’s great for him, congratulations,” Dan started, smiling softly down at his hands. How much courage had that son needed to gather up in order to come out to someone who was previously homophobic? He silently applauded the boy in his mind, that was /tough/. Especially knowing that from personal experiences, Dan felt for the kid. 

“But- uh, we’re sort of, like, uh, big on the internet, I guess?” Dan was staring into Phil’s eyes as he said the words. Phil only nodded and encouraged him to continue. The bartender pulled up a chair to speak with them longer, more comfortably. “And, well, they all sort of, like, want us to be in a relationship? But we like to, y’know, keep things to ourselves? And I guess, I don’t know, we were just used to not being affectionate in public in fear of being outed. Plus, like, you kind of look a bit terrifying, in all honesty, though you’re very nice so far, but lots of people who have your sorts of traits would likely murder us for..that, you know?” 

The bartender only nodded and chuckled in response to the comment Dan made. In his opinion, gay people weren’t necessarily /normal/, but his son really opened up his mind and he would never dream of hurting someone for something like that. He thought of it like if he was allowed to be affectionate in public with his wife, then gay people should also have that same right. “Totally get’cha. My son and his boyfriend really opened up my mind towards people like you. I’m sorry for that. Hey, you’ve got my blessing to be as gay as you want here.” Ugh, fuck, /people like you/. Phil hated when people said stuff like that, it made him seem as if he was /less/ than the straight person saying it. Isn’t that the exact opposite of equality? 

“Uh, actually, I’m bi, but, um, thank you?” Dan stuttered quietly, flashing a quick yet nervous smile to the bartender. He pushed the chair back to the other table it came from and waved them off, laughing at Dan. He, once again, returned to the couple he was still chatting with. They now had a plate of seafood before them — it looked rather appetizing… 

“He was nice.”

“/He was homophobic/.” Phil retorted quietly, as if he had brought up a finger in defense, a totally new argument. 

“He’s not anymore, that’s what’s important. At least his son didn’t get abused by them, he said his son opened up his mind.” Dan argued back. Phil sighed silently. That was true. At least he changed his mind, that was good. 

“So you really think they won’t out us?” Phil asked softly. God, he wanted to be able to actually /kiss his boyfriend/ in front of people, holy /Hell/, would that ever be a blessing but would that ever even be /possible/ for them? 

“I don't think he even knows who we are, aside from our names, of course. I probably wouldn't be /too/ affectionate in here but I really want to kiss you right now,” Phil's voice seemed to drop. It was as if he changed personalities for a second before he snapped out of it completely, reaching out for Dan’s hand affectionately. Honestly, what had gotten into them? Never were they /this/ affectionate, well, really anywhere? Maybe it was just because they were getting so damn used to being able to kiss and cuddle and /hold each other/ without the fear of pure harassment from millions of people? Jesus Christ, how were they going to be able to go back to their old ways after this trip? Would they even be able to? 

“I want to kiss you too. Fuck, do I ever.. I want to kiss you all the time? Goddammit, I don't think I’ll be able to go back. Being in the closet for the rest of our careers is going to eat me alive faster than it was before we came here..” Dan let a small laugh escape his lips at the comment he made as he finished off his third beer of the night. Now that the shallow anxiety of being outed was basically off of their shoulders, they were practically free to do what they wanted in here now..

Well, within reason. They’d probably have to go back to the cabin for a few things..

“Maybe it would just be a better idea to come out.” Phil sighed quietly. He pushed his beer out of the way and further in front of him. He was starting to feel the buzz of the alcohol already. Damn him being a lightweight. 

“You..you /what/?!” Dan exclaimed, his eyes practically bulging out of their sockets. “No way, Phil, we-we’ve hidden for so long and that’d be all of this work down the drain? And what would we have to ourselves? What about homophobic people? Look, if we come out, we’ll get called disgusting things-”

“I take hundreds of hate comments daily. They don’t hurt me anymore.” 

“Okay, maybe not anonymous people online but what about dicks in the street?!”

“Dicks in the street won’t /know/! It’s just to the fans. If you don't want to, we don’t have to but I guess, I don’t know, I’m kind of tired of hiding it.. I want everyone to know how absolutely in love with you I am, do you have any idea how awful it feels whenever we have to say we’re only friends? I feel dirty, like, shameful—” now it was Dan’s turn to cut the older one off. 

“We can come out then. After this trip. Let’s do it.”

Maybe it was a drunk, impulsive decision that was /heavily/ flawed and would /definitely/ need a bit more sober attention towards the idea in the morning, but hey, you only live once, right?  
\----  
The next morning was rough. Phil woke up first, his head was pounding against his skull. His stomach was immediately sick and he definitely felt like he was going to vomit. Plus the fact that he slept under covers against Dan, he was sweaty as Hell and could really use a shower. 

He leapt out of bed when he felt the movements in his stomach, hurdling towards the bathroom and collapsing at the toilet on the ground, throwing up and getting out any alcohol that was left in his system. It probably wasn’t a very good idea to drink as much as they did, for sure.. 

Phil quickly did finish though, slumped over the toilet for a few seconds before he decided to wipe his mouth off with toilet tissue and grab a wet cloth, padding his face with it to try and alleviate some of the tired marks that were evident across his pale skin from his terrible sleep. He brushed his teeth — thoroughly as well — as the taste from what just happened was currently haunting his tongue — /damn hangovers/. He reached into the cupboard above the sink and grabbed painkillers — two, one for him and one for his boyfriend when he finally woke up. 

When he finally made his way back to the bedroom, Dan and rolled over to face the inside of the bed, towards the wall. Phil climbed over him gently — only after having picked up his phone, and nestled in between him and the wall once again, he always slept on the left side of the bed. He looked over to his boyfriend once he was sufficiently covered by the blankets and smiled, letting a small coo escape his lips at how damn adorable Dan looked. He unlocked his phone and took a few photos before Dan stirred around. Phil poked him once, poked him twice and Dan opened his eyes slightly. Only cracking them open, he immediately shut them again and frowned, groaning. Dan rolled over and nuzzled into the duvet that was atop both of them, burying his face into the pillow before he realized that /holy shit, his head hurt/. 

“Fuck, what happened last night- ow,” Dan groaned in pain, a hand shooting up to a particularly painful throb in his skull. He couldn’t seem to recall anything that really happened after them going to the pub and getting a couple drinks. Had they gotten drunk? Dan could’ve only wondered what happened /after/ they got home. Well, he and Phil were both clothed so that was definitely a plus, at least. He would’ve liked to at least remember what happened in bed if they had decided to drunkenly get it on...wouldn’t anybody? 

“I think we drank way too much, I threw up this morning.” Phil explained, frowning slightly. “Oh, I, uh, brought you an ibuprofen if you need it? Your head probably hurts, I’m assuming.” He set his phone down between their two bodies on the white sheets and reached over Dan, fumbling for the pill. He found it quickly and dropped it on Dan’s pillow. Almost immediately, Dan reached up for the painkiller and popped it on his mouth, cringing at the dry-swallow. 

“I can't remember anything about what we did last night and- don’t you dare kiss me, mister I-just-threw-up!” Dan exclaimed, quick to avoid Phil's lips that were obviously coming in to plant a kiss somewhere on his face. 

“I brushed my teeth!” Phil complained eagerly, going back in to press another kiss to his boyfriend's lips. 

“No- no, not until you use thorough mouthwash and take four showers!” Dan shook his head in disapproval, chuckling softly. He reached up and cradled his head again, frowning at the continuous, seemingly never ending pain. “Fucking Hell, it hurts really bad,” Dan started, groaning once again. Phil grabbed his phone and snapped another photo of him, just for fun. Soon, he turned the video option on to record Dan, only to immediately regret it when Dan suddenly asked, “we didn’t fuck last night, did we? Because if we did, I’d like to at least have remembered it, y’know?” 

Phil burst out laughing and stopped it from recording after a few more seconds of it being on Dan. His eyes were shut so he likely wouldn't have realized — nor would he have said what he did, probably. “Uh, Dan, I may or may not have recorded that and that was absolutely hilarious?” He chuckled again, going through the camera roll and clicking the last item in it. He played it back and both he and Dan burst out laughing at the audio. 

“This can be our coming out!” Dan exclaimed jokingly. 

“We’re..coming out? Since when?” Phil’s tone was much more serious than it was before. They didn’t often talk about coming out and when it was, it was usually simply a joke. He sort of hoped Dan wasn’t being serious because he really didn't know if he was ready..? 

He didn’t recall the conversation they had — not even the one with the bartender and neither did Dan. In other words, Phil didn’t remember he suggested coming out in the first place. Sober, he knew he wasn’t ready but you know what they say, drunk actions are a sober minds thoughts? Something like that, Phil's head hurt too much to think about it much more and he left the saying at that. 

Dan shrugged, turning and furrowing his eyebrow at Phil, laughing quietly, “uh..I was kidding. Why, you wanna?” He prodded, removing a hand from his forehead and nudging Phil’s blanketed ribs with it. 

“Not..really, damn, I don’t know..” he murmured. On one hand, everyone would go /crazy/. They’d have to be careful what they did in public, they’d have to keep everything on the downlow until they knew they'd be safe simply holding hands outside. “Everyone online would flip and I mean, you remember that guy I went to college with, Michael something or other? He’s got a boyfriend and, uh, they never hold hands in public, they’re scared of being, like, beat up or whatever. It’s...still a very real thing, you know?” But on the other hand… “but I’d /immensely/ love being able to be out and free on the internet, at least. Everybody would be happy for us.” 

Dan knew Phil had a load of valid points. Coming out was definitely something that couldn’t be spontaneous — it had to be thought out and they /needed/ to be sure that their decision was 100% the right one, whether it be come out or not. They had millions of subscribers combined, it was starting to get harder and harder to hide, after all…? “I get your worries but hey, if we’re out on the internet but not in the streets, we probably wouldn’t get harassed. We don’t hold hands outside but we can make cute videos, what about that?” He suggested softly. His headache was out at ease for a little bit, though likely only because of what they were talking about. Dan shimmied an arm underneath Phil as Phil arched his back to allow it. They were pulled closer together. 

“I don't know. That sounds so nice, I’d love to be able to have a /free/ relationship instead of a closeted one but I don't want it to seem like we’re together /for/ the fans...what if they think that? I love you for you and not because of them. Or..what if they, like, start to stalk us or whatever? You know some of them are amazing with tracking..” he murmured off, frowning as he shut his eyes and nestled his head into Dan’s neck. Secretly, he definitely loved it — he never let anyone touch it in fear of him enjoying it /too/ much, Phil discovered that a few years ago during a makeout session that went a bit too far for their liking at the time. Nowadays though, Dan was completely comfortable with Phil cuddling into him like this — he actually really liked the way they moulded together. Cheesy, yeah, but it was as if they belonged this way. 

“We’d just have to be careful. Look, I know this is all kind of impulsive and whatever but I think it’s kind of time? I mean, we have been hiding for years and really, it’s not like they don’t already know by now, right?” 

It was the truth, after all. Dan, too, had very valid points. 

Dan squeezed Phil's shoulder in comfort, very supportively. He smiled when he could feel Phil’s cheeks smiling into his shoulder as well. “Yeah, I guess we can. As long as we don’t break up..” he trailed off jokingly. 

“All the more reason not to, right? And hey, why the Hell do you think we’re gonna break up? You’re insane. We’re perfect together. We’ve been dating for years, Jesus Christ.” Dan defended, his eyebrows shooting up into his messy (and curly) hair. 

Phil only laughed quietly against his shoulder, removing his face from the warm nook. “I was just joking around, don’t worry about it, I really think we’ll be together /forever/!” He exclaimed excitedly, immediately smiling. 

“Yeah? You really think we’ll be able to last together /forever/?” Dan challenged softly. At least all of this talking had taken his mind off of the headache? 

“Forever and /ever/, as long as possible!” 

“You’re such a fucking dork. Please, never change. Not for me, not for anybody. You’re fucking amazing.”  
\----  
When the pair awoke on this particular morning, they were both rather surprised at the strong rays of sun that shone through the cracks of their closed curtains. It made Phil specifically excited and giddy because the sun was actually /shining/ on their vacation! He could’ve sworn he gave Dan a heart attack (but Hell if he cared, he was way too ecstatic to) when he bounced back onto the bed, voicing — rather loudly, at that — how happy he was. 

“Dan, Dan, you have /got/ to wake up! The sun! It’s out! It’s really out!” He exclaimed. He could almost feel blood coursing through his veins at an alarmingly fast rate, his heart speeding up with excitement. Dan emitted nothing but a small groan in response — clearly he wasn’t very concerned with the beautiful sun and was much more interested in the sleep he was getting. 

“Dan!” He exclaimed again. He had been bouncing on the bed, down on his knees but with the way Dan was reacting, it was seriously killing his mood. He sat back on his heels, his eyebrows knitting together. Why didn’t Dan seem to care? “C’mon, Dan, the /sun/! It’s been raining the whole time we’ve been here! When can you ever say the sun is /shining/ in the UK?!” He prodded, and quite literally, at that, as he started to poke Dan’s side softly. Now he was determined to get his boyfriend out of bed. As he leaned over without another response from the log next to him, he felt a devilish smirk form on his face. 

He picked the extra pillow up from next to Dan’s head. It only made the younger man stir slightly which was a definite plus for Phil. He was a terribly heavy sleeper, and while Phil /had/ tried to get him into a decent sleep schedule more often than not and tried to make him go to sleep before some odd hour in the morning, it usually didn’t end up working out very well at all. “Dan, I’ll get the water, don’t doubt me!” He said, gripping the white sac in his hands, his knuckles on both hands turning a lighter-than-usual shade of white on his skin. 

Dan didn’t respond. Honestly, like Hell Phil would pour freezing cold water on him in /their/ bed. 

Instead of pouring water on him though, he did let the room fall completely silent for just a mere few moments before snapping down the pillow onto Dan’s middle with some force — though not nearly enough to hurt him at all. The old silence was suddenly gone and replaced with a rather high squeal that made Phil jump. “Phil! What the Hell?!” He exclaimed, now having thrown the blanket off of his topless body and tumbling out of bed. He stood next to the mattress, his chest heaving at the suddenness of the ordeal. Phil’s chest, on the other hand, was heaving as well, though, not from what Dan’s was. He had loud hollers escaping his lips as his eyes were squeezed firmly shut, doubling over on the bed from laughter. Dan couldn’t help but roll his eyes, bringing a hand up to his forehead and finally urging himself to calm down, minutes later. 

“That was ridiculous!” He exclaimed. His tone sounded annoyed but if you’d have seen his face, it’d show a mix of adoration and happiness, though maybe just a /hint/ of annoyance towards Phil (though it really wasn't that much). He honestly didn’t think he could ever /truly/ be mad at the man who was in front of him. Never in a million years, and he hoped it’d stay that way, too. 

Once Phil’s giggles started to subside, he was able to wipe away the tears that started to form in the rims of his eyes from laughing so hard. “That was way too funny- hey! At least you’re up now! Quick, can we eat something and then go swimming?” He suggested joyfully, another small smile tugging at the corners of his lips as he finally stood from the bed, stepping just in front of his taller boyfriend. As the smile grew, he reached down halfheartedly and grasped Dan’s large hand, intertwining his shorter fingers with his long, slender ones. 

Dan felt butterflies suddenly start to buzz in his stomach, though it was a feeling he was able to push down fairly easily. He’d gotten used to the fluttery way Phil accidentally made him feel /all the time/. Not like he really minded, though it did definitely cause for his usually pale-white cheeks to heat up and flush scarlet a bit more often than he’d like them to. 

The action made Dan’s heart skip a beat and the way Phil’s blue eyes sparkled from the little sun in the room almost made his chest burst with pure infatuation. Seriously, how in the Hell could a grown man be so damn cute? As Dan tried to brush Phil’s messy hair out of his eyes, he felt a similar smile pull onto his face. “Yeah, I’d probably like that.” He murmured, his voice soft yet groggy with sleep. He cleared his throat, looking away and chuckling. Phil let go of Dan’s hand, letting the calm and hazy atmosphere disappear quickly, now bounding through the door and jogging down the hallway. “Okay, get dressed with your swimsuit on and I’ll meet you in the kitchen!” He called out and with that, he was gone. 

Dan was left a smiling mess back in their room. 

Momentarily, Dan was finished getting dressed in appropriate swimming attire and trudged into the kitchen, immediately laying his eyes on his boyfriend who was standing in front of the white stove, humming quietly to himself, shaking his hips as if he were dancing. 

The younger of the pair stayed leaning against the frame of the kitchen door, a small smirk on his face. After a few silent moments and a few more intense notes and hip-sways coming from Phil, he cleared his throat nonchalantly. “Nice singing there, rockstar.” He chuckled, walking through the kitchen and stationing right behind Phil, who’s cheeks were now flushed red and eyes wide.

“Don’t worry,” Dan said simply. “It was cute.” 

Phil simply turned around, his lips curled into a small smile although he was still rather embarrassed. He’d definitely need to start humming his songs in a more..private setting, for sure. “You change quickly.” He said in response. He didn't want to embarrass himself any further, honestly. 

“What, and you change slowly? What do you mean I change quickly?” He defended, peering over his boyfriend’s shoulder, eyebrows raised. “Oh, shit, /pancakes in the hoooouse/!” Dan exclaimed, dropping his voice and pulling away from Phil, making an array of excited arm gestures. Phil shook his head in disappointment and rolled his eyes. “I’d like to see you cook anything better, /rockstar/, without literally burning the cabin down.” He retorted. He flipped the last of the pancakes onto the plate that housed a few already. Flipping the burner off and turning around, he was closely met with his boyfriend’s (beautiful, nonetheless — he was hardly complaining) face. In a matter of seconds, they were nose-to-nose and smiling ear-to-ear. Dan had a smirk eventually take over his face as he brought a hand down to Phil’s hip, nestling it right on the bone that jutted out slightly. Phil’s head collapsed against Dan’s shoulder and he almost dropped the plate that he had in his hand at the contact — fuck Dan for knowing his most sensitive places.

“Dan, we need to eat and then we’ll go swimming, alright?” It took a Hell of a lot of willpower to pull away from the right grasp but he did, bringing back the plate to the table quickly, his ears still red at the tips and his cheeks still flushed out. He groaned when he realized he forgot everything else — plates, margarine, syrup. As he stood up, he made sure to keep his gaze down from Dan’s, he knew Dan would have a smirk on his face and his arms crossed over his chest smugly.

He knew it. 

“Swimming? More like skinny dipping,” Dan commented cheekily, his lips still upturned. Phil groaned slightly, “stop! We’ll be /swimming/!” He exclaimed. He didn’t really have any type of discipline lacing his voice, which made Dan sure to not take his desperate cry for ending the teasing very seriously. 

“Yeah, that’s what you /think/,” he chuckled, following Phil to the fridge and standing behind him as the older dug through the cooled food. Phil was secretly quite glad his head was in the refrigerator because his cheeks never lost their crimson colour. “But I doubt that’s what’s going to happen. Swimming ‘till it turns to something else.” 

Phil turned around, almost knocking his head on the top of the door and rolling his eyes, the syrup and margarine gripped tightly in his hands. He lead Dan back to the table silently, sitting down at the table and grabbing a plate from the stack, then pulling a few pancakes from the other stack and settling them down on his plate, immediately starting to pour syrup on the fluffy treats. 

“Hey, don’t use it all, you rat!” Dan exclaimed, jumping out of his chair and quickly grabbing the bottle from behind Phil. “I wasn’t using it all!” Phil defended, a laugh escaping his lips. His hands immediately reached back up towards the bottle in Dan’s hands but Dan pulled it away. “At least give me a little bit, there really isn’t that much left!” 

“There was more than enough for the two of us.”

“With how much you eat, probably not!”

The harmless bickering lasted the entire breakfast, it only being background noise to them scarfing down their food in the matter of short minutes. The two of them actually cooperated together to clean up the remaining syrup and margarine from the table, wiping it down from the /potential/ spilled sticky and sweet maple substance. Dan blamed Phil for it, obviously, although it was definitely Dan who hit the bottle. 

They raced each other outside, and having been placed in a cabin behind the row of buildings, they almost both ran into the house in front of them. The sun indeed was out and it made Phil rather joyful and happy for the entire afternoon. After all, such a happy person wasn't able to live without sun for as long as he did. Sometimes he just needed to bask in the rays of warmth. 

As Dan threw his shirt off quickly, he ran down the sand to the lake, not realizing Phil suddenly seemed to be..stalling. It was only when Dan turned around to go start to splash Phil that he noticed he was still on the beach, overlooking the water with a sort of solemn look on his face. Suddenly he realized why the rain was so nice — despite it always being dark outside, he really never had to be, well, /shirtless/ anywhere. It would surely be suspicious if he wore his shirt in the water. Dan quickly stepped up, a myriad of grains of sand sticking on the soles of his feet. His eyebrows were furrowed together as he approached the man who was standing alone in the sand, his hands both fiddling with the hem of his shirt. What got into him? He was just excited about the sunshine a minute ago, was he not? 

“Phil?” He raised an arm to his forehead, panting slightly from the short walk. God, he was out of shape. “What happened? /The sun is out/!” He mocked, approaching the smaller man slightly, his eyes now squinted to him in confusion. “You were the one who wanted to come swimming, why are you not /swimming/?” He asked slowly, an eyebrow now quirking up at the reaction he was getting from Phil. He seemed to be much calmer than he was, still standing in his shoes and shirt. He was still overlooking the lake with an indescribable emotion written across his face. Dan could tell it wasn’t positive, at least he got that much. 

“Dunno. Can we just..sit here for a while?” He asked softly. Really, he did not want to take his shirt off right now. He finally, /finally/ looked over to his boyfriend through thick eyelashes. Dan was shocked at how timid the older man suddenly looked. Immediately, he felt overwhelmed with the feeling he should probably comfort Phil — something must have happened just now? He was previously so, /so/ excited about swimming and now he just...didn’t want to? 

Dan quickly wrapped his arms around Phil’s broadened shoulders and let out a deep exhale. “I suppose so, if you really want to. Is something wrong, Phil?” He asked quietly. Phil, with a speedy shake of his head, pulled out of Dan’s rather loose grasp. 

“No, I’m fine, what makes you say that? I’ve never been better, the sun is out, for God’s sake!” He exclaimed, trying to raise the excitement in his voice to show Dan he was alright. It was nothing, right? Everyone felt off or self-conscious about their bodies sometimes...right? He even had a bright smile appear on his face. 

Dan chuckled softly, smiling back at his excited boyfriend. He was probably fine, and if he wasn’t, hopefully he trusted Dan enough to tell him what was bothering him. Besides, Phil never liked when people interrogated him when he was feeling down. Usually it was a quick fix, nothing a few pancakes or a game of Mario Kart couldn’t do. He’d be fine. 

So, Dan laid both of their towels down on the sand and plunked himself on top of the soft and colourful fabric. He nuzzled into Phil, the heat from outside making the body heat rather overwhelming and uncomfortable — the two of them were getting incredibly sweaty while sitting, cuddled up on the beach. Because of this, Dan suggested they go swimming now. “I..am feeling sort of drowsy, actually.” Phil lied. God, and he hated doing it too, because lying never got him anywhere. He was an awful liar, really, Dan could always see right through him. 

This was the weirdest part for the other man. Phil was the one who was up so much longer before him, jumping on the bed in efforts to wake /Dan/ up? He was the one who suggested swimming because it was actually sunny for once, and now he’s just.../tired/? What the Hell had gotten into him? Was he ill? “Phil, come on, let’s go! It won’t be long- shit, there’s already rain clouds coming over. Come on, before it rains! Just a little bit, Phil!” He proclaimed, standing up quickly, dusting his bum off from the sand that accumulated on the towels. He held his hand out in efforts to make Phil stand up. He must've been hot in his t-shirt, wasn’t he? “Aren’t you sweating in that? Take your shirt off, you’ll faint from heat exhaustion or something.” Dan informed, furrowing his brow slightly. He reached down for the bottom of Phil's shirt after he finally stood but Phil quickly pushed his hands away. 

“I’m tired, I’m sure there’ll be more sun another time. Can we go back in? It’s starting to get cold from the cloud-” 

“Phil, seriously, what the /fuck/ is going on? How are you tired? /You/ were the one who was jumping on /me/ to get out of bed because the sun was out to go /swimming/!” Dan snapped. His eyes seemed to be like daggers from Phil’s point of view, which made him mentally shrink down to almost nothing. 

“I just want to go back in, please, Dan-” he muttered. His words were becoming less and less convincing which only made Dan more sure there was something much more wrong than simply being cold or tired. 

“Phil, okay, listen to me. We’ll just go swimming a little bit and then we can go back in, maybe eat the rest of the pancakes or something, yeah? Does that sound good?” Phil cringed slightly at the mention of the pancakes. That definitely wouldn’t be good for his ever growing tummy, he had already eaten a few of the fluffy delights already today and he surely didn’t want to eat too many more. “What’s wrong?” 

“I don’t want to take my shirt off.” He murmured finally. Dan could hardly hear him, so he approached him, a hand immediately going out to his hip. He sighed silently, pressing his forehead against Phil’s. 

“What’d you say, love?” That got Phil’s attention for sure. 

Love…?

Dan /never/ called him love, never unless he knew that Phil was silently aching for support, and Dan was /good/ at giving that, too. It was like a superpower, he always thought. He could effortlessly cheer up his lover at any given time. It was like a different way to express endless love for the other man, without really saying /those/ three words. Of course they had been exchanged hundreds upon thousands of times but it was just...special. 

“I /said/ I don’t want to take my shirt off, now please, can we go back in?” He tried to push out of Dan’s grip, but Dan firmly kept his hand on his waist, wrapping his free arm around the smaller one’s shoulders, pulling him in close. 

“Why don’t you want to take it off, Phil?” Phil simply shook his head. “Please let me go in, Dan.” 

“No. I’m going to help you with this.”

“I don’t /need/ your help!” He exclaimed. This time, his force was strong enough that he was able to break out of Dan’s grasp but only for a moment. Dan caught his wrist. “Yes you do. I’m going to help you. What’s causing this, love?” Phil’s heart melted. 

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“You know I’ve seen you shirtless before, right? You’ve got a beautiful tummy. What’s wrong?” Dan asked softly. Now the clouds were rolling in, the sun was now hidden and it had started slightly spitting. ‘How ironic,’ Dan thought, ‘it suits this perfectly.’ 

“I-I don’t know. I think it’s just this trip, I guess we’ve sort of been eating worse than usual and- and I just..don’t feel good anymore. Dan, you have to admit, I’m getting-” Dan could hardly listen to what Phil was going to say next. He knew what it would be, for sure, but he didn’t have the heart to hear Phil continue the thought. 

“Don’t you dare continue that.” He started. Phil’s head was buried in the crook of Dan’s neck and Dan /almost/ opposed to it, but he knew Phil needed this support right now. Dan’s fear of people touching his neck would have to be set aside for Phil. “Phil, don’t. I- who told you that?” His voice was soft, it wasn’t as if someone was trying to pressure him, but much rather help and encourage him. He really didn't understand why Phil hated his body so much, Dan could hardly get enough. 

“I logged back onto Ins-”

“Stop right there. Phil, we agreed not to go onto social media this month, why the Hell did you go back onto it?!” Phil flinched at Dan’s voice, the way he rose it, the way it seemed to change from sweet to bitter. Disappointment was evident in it. Dan quickly recalibrated and shook his head, “sorry. Sorry, but...Phil, we agreed not to go back onto social media. That’s why we took this whole damn trip.. I-I know it was for me but you’re supposed to enjoy it too..” his voice was soft now, though there was still a hint of disappointment. Now the trip felt completely ruined and Phil felt it was all his fault, as per usual. Dan knew he took the confession too far when he started to feel the older man trembling in his arms-

No. No, no, he’d made Phil cry. /Hell no/. He needed to make this up to Phil /somehow:, he needed to make sure Phil understood how beautiful his body was. “Phil, no, no, love, don’t cry, I never meant to make you cry. I would never try to do this to you, I didn't mean to be so harsh.” He assured quietly. Phil shrugged against Dan’s shoulder.

“You’ve got a smokin’ bod’,” Dan murmured against his dark hair. Phil chuckled quietly, sniffling back another round of tears. 

“Really, Phil, it’s true. How can I show you that? I don’t care how much you eat or how much weight you gain, your tummy will always be beautiful to me, okay?” He assured, “nothing will ever change that.” With that statement, he pulled Phil’s head away from his shoulder, replacing his hands onto his face, thumbs under his cheeks. Phil had a soft smile on his face, he was definitely feeling way better. Damn, did Dan ever have a way with helping him feel better. He still looked down though, nervously avoiding Dan’s eyes.

“But what if everyone hates me for it?”

“If I don’t and your real supporters don't, then that’s that. The fake fans weren’t worth your time in the first place, okay?” There was a crack of thunder at the last word Dan uttered which made them both jump out of their skin. 

“I’m sorry we didn't go swimming, I totally wasted the sunshine,” Phil apologized, his voice louder as he violently rubbed at his eyes with the towel he’d now picked up. They hurriedly got all of their belongings in their hands from the ground and raced each other back into the cabin, both out of breath, panting. 

“Don’t worry about it.” Dan finally said, minutes later once they were back inside the comfort of their new home-away-from-home. “Really. We can do something to make up for it, I’m sure. And there’ll probably be more awful sun soon enough. Britain can’t cry forever, but then again, I probably could so I sort of understand where it’s coming from.” Dan joked, hoping to get a laugh out of his boyfriend. It did cause him to giggle a few times, a smile stuck on his features. Dan’s eyes seemed to flash something — something Phil definitely couldn’t describe with real words — as he approached Phil. He had a small smirk on his face as he finally collided with the smaller of the two, his hands finding a place on Phil’s back to support him. 

“I..think I could figure out a way or two to make you love your body, yes?” He purred quietly, right up against Phil's ear, making him shudder with a sudden rush of excitement. 

“D-Dan, no,” Phil murmured quietly, shaking his head as he pushed his boyfriend away. “Can we cuddle a while?”

“Whatever you want, you dork. Let’s go.”

They made their way back to the joint bedroom. Immediately, Dan noticed how /hot/ it was in there, there was more condensation on the window, presumably from the internal heat. Dan quickly climbed up onto the bed, a daring smile on his face as he brought his left hand up to the window, drawing two stick figures — one with a right fringe and one with a left one — standing together, hands clasped with one another, smiling. Dan collapsed onto the bed, moving out of the way to let Phil see what it was. “Do you like them?” He asked softly, right after Phil finished examining the thoughtful drawing. 

“Why do they look so happy? I’ve never seen you /smiling/ in a picture before. What gives?” Phil nestled himself next to Dan, maneuvering under the blankets, despite the overwhelming body heat and high temperature in the room surrounding them. 

“Because I’m happy here with you? Why else would they be smiling? I only smile when I’m with you, you know?” Dan realized how weird that must've sounded only /after/ the damage had been done and he quickly turned his face away from Phil’s, a deep tint rising to his cheeks fast. 

“No, don’t look away, Dan! I love seeing you blushing. I smile lots with you too.” Phil assured, planting a small kiss atop Dan’s mop of curls. Lately, actually, he’d been leaving it natural (with loads of convincing on Phil’s part, but still) and Phil loved it /a lot/. 

“Shut up. I’m a walking embarrassment, oh my God, I say the worst thin-”

“Fuck, Phil, shut me up like that more often, please..” Dan pleaded, a hint of desperation in his voice. When was Phil ever aggressive like that? Maybe Phil was just getting tired of Dan’s self-deprecating jokes. He could only laugh as he pressed his lips against Dan’s again, kissing him slightly deeper and much more passionately than he did before. They both had a similar feeling that what could potentially come out of this was whatever Dan was initiating before…?

Phil giggled lowly. It came from down in his throat, it was groggy and deep and much more raspy than Dan remembered it being just moments ago. What happened to Phil? When Phil pressed his hips into Dan’s, though, that’s when he realized what happened. 

Dan swallowed — /hard/ — on the bundle of sudden nerves that arose in his throat. He and Phil had ground together like this about a billion times before (especially back in ‘09), so why was he suddenly so nervous? Why was Phil even leading? Where did this burst of confidence on/his/ part come from?

“Mmphil,” Dan groaned, frowning into Phil’s kiss. It was rough and Phil was biting on Dan’s bottom lip with urgency. They could just take their time? Dan wanted to make this special with Phil..especially after what happened at the beach. 

Phil pulled away and sat up on Dan’s legs, straddling them, a calf on either side of Dan’s slimmed hips. They were both much too clothed right now, in Phil’s wholly-honest opinion. “S’wrong, love?” 

“Nothing-“ Dan choked, fake-coughing to hide the awkwardness in his voice. “Just...we haven’t done- uh, this here yet n’I want it to, like, be special, I guess?” Dan fluttered his eyes shut as Phil seemed to already get bored by him talking — started slowly grinding back into Dan’s hips. A small gasp escaped Dan’s lips as Phil smirked. 

“You’re fine, right?” Dan shook his head slightly, Phil widened his eyes. 

“W-what-“ Dan only shook his head again and opened his eyes, the surge of pleasure from the grinding finally subsiding. His stomach was less tight right /now/. 

Dan let out a small groan. How was he supposed to ask to /top/? Dan had basically never topped before, at least not in his and Phil’s relationship. 

When Dan was just a teenager and they had just met, the both of them were definitely quite ready to experiment with each other. Not just testing how it would feel to sleep with a guy but also different things they may or may not have thought could’ve been../interesting/ to try. (Dan once had even tried out calling Phil ‘daddy’. It rolled off his tongue disgustingly awkwardly, they both cringed at it and both of them vowed never to try it again. It was agreed that it was more of a turn off than the choking they’d tried just nights before.)

That being said, Dan surely did try to top with Phil. A few times, actually. He was unsurprisingly very bossy as a bottom and they were trying to experiment together. What was /one/ awful round of sex? Well..it wasn’t good, let’s tell you that. They also vowed never to try that again and Dan had tried it once — he was satisfied with that. 

“Uh, Dan? Can’t read your mind. Tell me what you want?” Phil asked quietly. He’d reached down, his warned fingertips tracing the small curves and bumps of Dan’s skin overtop his shirt. 

Dan frowned again. Hopefully Phil would take it well, considering they already had proper rituals and knew each other's bodies inside-out. You really learn how to pleasure a partner after seven-going-on-more years of sex under your belt. Well, Phil knew Dan’s. Dan had yet to learn all the best places on Phil’s body as a top. As a bottom, he was fine, but he wanted to know /mor/e. 

“I know, yes,” Dan started, a small whine escaping the back of his throat. “I just- you were feeling down earlier, want to make sure you love your body s’much as I do..”

Phil had to give it to him. Dan was a nervous /wreck: when it came to asking for things — especially things in bed. How much courage had it probably taken Dan to ask for this? Phil’s mind flashed to how they used to talk and try and play together years upon years ago. Dan would probably have bits of the young, nervous teenager Phil once knew him as forever. 

So, he gave in and nodded. Maybe it wouldn’t be the best sex they’d ever had considering Dan had little to no practice as a top but hey, Phil liked making Dan happy and the arousal pooling in his stomach was getting a bit uncomfortable. 

Dan’s eyes lit up as he weaseled his way out from underneath Phil, managing to push the smaller one on the bed. He hovered above him a few moments, licking his lips as he stared into Phil’s eyes. 

As soon as he went to go and whip Phil’s shirt off and go at it, he made sure to stop himself. Pause. They had all the time in the world right now, they didn’t have to worry about people finding them. They had all of the time to themselves, so why not use it to the best of their advantage? 

Phil had to admit, the way Dan snaked his hands up Phil’s warming sides and the way he was biting down on his chapped lips was /hot/. Why had Phil not agreed to let Dan try this again sooner? 

“Daaan,” he whined. His lover grinned triumphantly — he was the one who was making Phil a writhing mess underneath him. He was determined to keep it that way, too. “Dan, oh my God, take my shirt off already,” Phil exclaimed, screwing his eyes shut as Dan’s hands found their way to his nipples. Dan rolled them between the pads of his fingers and Phil literally /whined/ about it. Dan was biting on his lips still, determined as ever to make this as pleasurable as he could for his lover. 

“Hush, Phil,” he mumbled, furrowing his eyebrows together. “M’topping today, I’m in control, yeah?” Phil groaned as Dan’s thumb pressed against his skin again. 

“I /hate/ you being in control-”

“If you hated it so much, you wouldn’t’ve let me. Now keep quiet, love, m’trying to do this right.” Dan fished for trying to remember what Phil always did to turn /himself/ on. This proved to be much more difficult than he originally thought it would’ve been. Why didn’t he know anything? He was probably always much too lost in the pleasure he felt that he couldn’t really remember. “If you like something or if you hate something, tell me, hm?” Dan agreed gently. By now, he’d slowly and sensually pulled Phil’s shirt off his body, tossing it to the floor in a few swift movements. Phil nodded eagerly, another soft whine escaping his mouth. 

For as composed and in control Phil /usually/ was, Dan found it endlessly hot that he was this much of a mess this quickly. Was Dan magic or something? 

Dan soothed his writhing boyfriend with small, light kisses trailing down his torso and stomach. He completely ignored Phil’s desperate comments for contact as he wanted to take this slow — what was wrong with a little bit of teasing? 

“S’fine, I’ll get there, right?” Dan asked lowly, his voice suddenly much more gravelly than intended. It surprised even /him/ a bit, but the tone of his boyfriend’s voice made Phil’s stomach sink. He /needed/ to get out of these fucking jeans. 

“Not fast enough-“ he stammered, his eyes screwing shut again while Dan started to nip and suck on his fair, soft skin. It would turn red soon enough, showing Phil who’s he was — the one who put those damn love bites on his skin. Dan’s. 

Dan rolled his eyes as he suddenly started to grind his hips down into Phil’s. Considering he wasn’t used to needing to last like Phil was, he was, in all honesty, a bit worried he wouldn’t be able to last without finishing as long as Phil would. Though..with any indication, Dan thought Phil may not last as long as he presumed either…? Phil let out nothing a broken moan and a small cry out for Dan to get out of the pants. “You’ve done this to me, what, a hundred million times? Don’t think I’ll give in so soon, Christ, who do you think I am?” 

“Someone who doesn’t- /fuck/- tease,” Phil groaned. His eyes flashed a hint of something like pure desperation when he finally opened them. There Dan was, grinding into him and giving him love bites on his chest. He was topping for Phil and Phil wasn’t sure he’d be able to keep his usual demeanour any less cool. “Come- on, Dan-” Phil muttered in desperation. Dan only smiled. 

As he coolly ran his hands over Phil’s skin, he finally decided, /right/, maybe he could stop teasing so much because as fucking lovely and beautiful as Phil looked underneath him, he didn’t want to have to make Phil wait an eternity. He hated it too, after all. 

He sat back, parting lips and reaching down to fumble with Phil’s belt. He heard a sigh of relief when he slid the belt off and slowly pulled the pair of jeans down the older’s hips. Phil surely felt better after that. “Dan, Christ, please, like, do something,” he finally had the courage to open his eyes. He saw Dan, still sitting fully clothed on his legs, straddling his hips. 

“You should really be wearing less than that,” Phil commented, his voice decently composed. He’d managed to control it slightly, what with Dan now simply sitting on his lap and admiring him. 

Dan’s smirk is still present on his face as he slowly but smoothly stripped his torso of his shirt. Phil’s breath hitched slightly, as if they were teenagers again. “How many times have I said you’re absolutely so beautiful?” Phil asked quietly, reaching up and resting both of his hands on Dan’s now bare chest. They would take this slow until they couldn’t. 

“Loads. I think it’s more fitting for me to ravish in yours, though, because you’re beautiful as well and I hate that you don’t see what I do,” Dan praised, leaning down and pressing kisses to Phil’s stomach again, his tongue slowly but surely trailing down to the elastic waistband of Phil’s boxers. It send shivers down Phil’s spine as Dan’s hands both found their way to the sides of his thighs. Phil was getting /desperate/. 

“Good still, beautiful?” Dan murmured, looking up at Phil through his eyelashes. He could hardly see Phil from the angle he was at right now he could only imagine his face. The way his head was probably thrown back, his eyes shut and mouth open from the overwhelming feelings. It was what Dan usually looked like so he could only assume. He wasn’t that far off. 

“Very good,” Phil’s voice gave out, another whine escaping his throat. 

“Vocal tonight, yeah?” Dan commented, smirking as he bit at the waist of Phil’s trousers. “Hot.”

“Fuck- shut up,” Phil pleaded. “P-please, Dan, /fuck/, I’m going to literally come if you don’t quit,” he groaned. 

Dan laughed. This was incredibly enjoyable and as Phil pointed it out, Dan could definitely see what Phil was talking about. Phil’s trousers were already dampening. Dan sat up slightly and brought a single hand up to it — Phil gasped, twitching at the sudden contact. A low moan escaped his lips. 

“So beautiful, fuck,” Dan murmured, finally deciding to remove his own pants. He shifted awkwardly so he could get them off and sat back down when he was done. The only things separating them now were thin pieces of cloth on each of them and honestly, Dan’s cool demeanour wasn’t going to last longer. Neither was his tolerance. 

Dan had slowly started to try and get Phil off, first through his trousers. He could almost guarantee they wouldn’t be able to get through this goddamn foreplay but /holy Hell/, it was so fun.. 

As Dan got more and more eager, he removed both of their trousers together. He was actually quite proud of Phil for being so obedient and relaxed, considering he always topped. He was really surprised he wasn’t trying to take more control. 

“Dan!” Phil cried. Dan’s left hand had immediately gone down to Phil’s length. It was pulsing and Phil could feel more arousal pooling in his abdomen than he could remember for quite a while. Maybe it was just because it’d been forever since they did this or maybe it was because Dan was topping for him and he could just /lay/ and /relax/ and /enjoy/. Hell, maybe it was even the moon. 

Dan nibbled and sucked on his collarbones and neck while slowly speeding his actions up on the older man. Phil, on the other hand, was laying, his jaw slack, his head thrown back, his hands gripping the sheets. His knuckles were going pure white. He could feel the way his stomach familiarly started to knot and /fuck/, just a /few/ more good pumps and he would be finished. 

Phil cried out — louder than Dan had probably ever heard Phil before — as he came. It was an earth-shattering orgasm, he saw stars. He could feel his blood pulsing in his toes, for God’s sake, and it seemed to go on and on. The noises — the /beautiful/ noises — Phil made sent Dan into a surefire frenzy, slowing down his hand as Phil came down from his high. Dan’s hair was fully curly with sweat that pooled on his forehead. 

He finally calmed down, the pleasure eventually dissolving into a new sense of tiredness and warmth. When he opened his eyes, he caught Dan, still sitting above him. He hadn’t finished. 

Phil, as a natural top, couldn’t let that be. Dan’s left hand made its way to his own length but Phil quickly swatted it away, a sense of power overcoming him. He couldn’t have Dan /not/ come — especially simply on his own, too. So, he flipped the two of them over and Dan was sent into the bed. Phil, now on top, quickly bent down to in between Dan’s legs, his mouth trailing fast down Dan’s stomach. As pleasurable and amazing as his orgasm was, Dan’s pleasure was obviously always Phil’s top priority. 

“P-Phil- no,” he tried to object but the way Phil’s mouth felt was way too good to pass up. Phil readjusted then slightly so Dan was sitting up against the wall and he was kneeling in between Dan’s outstretched legs. 

Phil hummed as his mouth found its way back to Dan’s red, pulsing length. Pleasure flooded his stomach. Phil was able to get Dan coming in a matter of less than a minute because the dominance for the first proper time was overwhelmingly hot. His toes curled as he gripped the sheets as hard as he could. “Beautiful,” Phil purred, swallowing Dan’s come with ease. He’d done it about a billion times, after all. He kissed up Dan’s stomach and torso as he climbed back up, eventually settling next to his shaking boyfriend. 

Soon enough, Dan’s high finally subsided enough for him to speak. “Fuck-“ he groaned, reaching out for the blanket. Now that they were finished, it was already getting rather cold. He wrapped his naked arms around Phil and pulled him close, hardly minding the sticky substances that were left on them. They could shower later. 

“Indeed,” Phil murmured, nestling himself closer into Dan’s chest and curling into the duvet on top of them. “You’re definitely doing that again someday, okay?” Phil assured, his eyelids drooping. 

Dan agreed with a short hum. “Amazing, fuck, and we hardly even did anything. I’m surely /properly/ topping someday because holy /shit/..”

“You’ve gotten better, I think? Have you been topping with other guys, huh?” Phil joked quietly. 

“Oh yeah, fuck, those clubs, I tell you. Go to sleep, you dick,” Dan muttered. 

“What time is it?” Phil said softly. 

“Don’t know but I’m tired as fuck. We’re going to sleep now. Goodnight, Phil.”  
\----  
“You’re going to look like a child with your rain boots, Phil, /oh my god/,” Dan whined, squinting up at Phil as he finished lacing up his shoes and standing back up. Phil only shrugged in response. 

The sun they previously had been /very/ short lived. Dan and Phil needed to go back out to the store to get food to eat for the remaining few weeks they had until they went back home and it was /pouring/ outside. They had no choice though, if they did, they'd definitely be cuddling on the couch or setting something or other on fire by accident. But /noo/, they had to go out and be responsible adults..

“Nobody’s going to see nor will they care. I’ll be laughing in your /face/ while chanting ‘I told you so!’ when your shoes get all muddy and wet!” Phil said pointedly, sticking a finger in Dan’s face and smirking. Dan only shook his head and rolled his eyes at his boyfriend. 

“You’re absolutely ridiculous. If you get my shoes wet, I will not hesitate to chop your head off tonight!” Was the last thing Dan was able to say before being dragged out into the gray and depressing weather. He almost groaned at the way the sky seemed to taunt him with sadness. This was (and had been) supposed to be a good, happy trip, was it not? So why did the sky seem to have it in for them? 

Nevertheless, it did but the boys weren’t willing for a second to let the rain put a /damper/ on their trip, goddamnit. They paid good money to get here and stay this month and they would very well enjoy it like they /should/. 

Phil found a few puddles along the way but they weren’t anything Dan wasn’t able to avoid without a few uncomfortable hops in order to not step in them. He wouldn’t prove Phil right. Never would he do that. 

Once, though, Phil almost dragged Dan into a puddle. Dan practically kicked and screamed, pleaded mercy for Phil to let him go but alas, he did not. Instead, he laughed and dragged him in further, his previously black and slightly-missed converse shoes turning fully brown with mud and slush. He was in water past his ankles and he was almost screaming by this point. 

“/Fuck, Phil/!” He exclaimed angrily, running out of the water almost as soon as he was taken in. His socks would definitely be trashed once they got back (he was pretty sure he was wearing white ones today too, as far as he could remember, at least), his shoes would probably need to be thoroughly washed. He would’ve needed to change his pants into different ones for sure. Bloody Hell, Phil! 

Phil was stood in the dirty water, laughing his ass off because that was probably the funniest thing he’d ever done to Dan. “I-I wi-wished that c-ould-’ve be-en recor-ded!” He wheezed, trying to form coherent words through his giggles. He was clutching his stomach as Dan stood, arms crossed against his chest, glaring down at Phil. If looks could kill, Phil would’ve been dead long ago. “That was priceless!”

He only shook his head and muttered another curse or two under his breath, holding out a cooling hand for Phil to take so they could actually /go to the store/. Shit, and now Dan was starting to get cold from the rain again and his shoes were starting to squish against his soaked socks. He’d be shocked if he didn’t have major blisters on his feet soon. 

They went back to the cabin together without anything to eat from the store. They'd for sure be able to live until tomorrow (Phil apparently looked at the forecast when they got back and the sun was supposed to shine all day!) with whatever food they still had left. Dan changed into a loose pair of sweatpants, kept his shirt off and immediately stuck all of the soiled clothing in the washing machine so they didn't stain brown too badly. 

Phil brought him back outside again. He wanted Dan to splash in puddles with him more than ever, and because Dan had such a hard time saying no to Phil (especially because he was the one who booked this surprise trip in the first place), he didn’t object to it. He threw on a new pair of pants, a long coat (one similar to Phil’s) and grabbed an umbrella. Just..in case it started to completely pour again. Better safe than sorry?

“Dan?” Phil asked softly. They were walking hand in hand through the forest again, the umbrella hanging off of Phil’s shoulder. 

Dan nodded in response to Phil as if he were prompting him to continue on. 

“Do you ever wonder, like, what could have happened if we didn’t met?” It was incredibly unlike Phil to ask something so existential and scary but something just happened to come into his mind and /bam/, here was his question. Dan hesitantly nodded. 

“Of course I do.” He responded halfheartedly. He kicked leaves on the round as they continued walking slowly through the forest, hands still clasped together. Their clammy yet oddly warm hands fit nicely together against the cool breeze. “I always think about shit like that. That was such a /Dan Howell/ thing to say, by the way, what the Hell brought that on?” He asked suspiciously, his eyebrows raising slowly on his forehead. He emitted nothing but a small laugh after his statement. Phil only shrugged. 

“Dunno. S’just super crazy, y’know, how everything worked out. I sound nothing like myself, you’re right, this is so /Dan/. I’ll be more /Phil/ now. Uh, did you know that frogs ears shut whenever they open their mouths?” He bounded along the path. His stance was confident and he was standing properly straight like he usually did. The slouch he carried before was no longer anything that was previously seemed a part of his posture. 

Dan shook his head and rolled his eyes. 

That's was /such/ a Phil thing to say. 

“I did not know that, no, thank you for educating me. Are you sure it's true?” He asked slowly, “because you’ve sometimes had a tendency to..I don’t know, get facts wrong?” Said Dan, smiling slightly. He loved to poke fun at his boyfriend. 

Phil gasped dramatically as an offended hand hit his chest. He wiggled the other one out of Dan’s grasp on it and held his mouth with it, “Dan!” He exclaimed, “that’s /so/ not true! I’ve never gotten an animal fact wrong, I will have you know!” He said pointedly. He dropped both hands and trudged along. Where were they even going? 

“I can guarantee you’ve told YouTube at least /one/ wrong animal fact.” He countered, shaking his head again. 

If there was anything Dan loved about Phil, it was his intelligence. He stuck it out all through university and got a degree while Dan couldn't even handle a year there. He sort of wished he’d’ve gone to school longer and gotten a degree in something. He also half-wished Phil got more opportunities to show his intelligence — animal facts /hardly/ covered all of Phil’s knowledge. 

Phil shook his head jokingly, rolling his eyes and smiling, his tongue poking out the side. He brought his hands up to his hair and moved it slightly out of habit, responding with a short, “okay, maybe a few but they're able to check it on their own, it’s on them for mindlessly believing everything I say,” and interlacing their hands again. He looked up and frowned slightly — when did this hill get here? “I do /not/ want to climb this.” He murmured stubbornly. 

Dan laughed quietly, “c’mon, I’m sure it’s not even that high, okay?” He assured, gripping Phil’s hand and pulling him up the hill.

He was right — the hill was quite small but it overlooked the lake /beautifully/. There were quite  
a few small puddles from all of the rain. It was the highest point any of them could actually even see. “It’s..gorgeous here. It’s like..we’re the only ones who exist right now.” Dan murmured. Where had Phil put- oh, right. Good, he still had the umbrella in his free hand. “S’starting to rain again, want to open the umbrella?” Dan suggested. Phil obliged quickly and pushed the metal contraction open, giggling as the rain started to hit the fabric above them and not them themselves. 

It was rather adorable, the small things that made Phil laugh. Dan adored his laugh. 

“Yes, definitely- don’t want my hair going curly,” Phil teased, smiling softly over at Dan and raising his eyebrows. Dan only shook his head and rolled his eyes. 

“No, you really don’t,” he continued, smirking slightly. As Phil managed to open the umbrella over the two of them, he sighed as he looked out over the water. It was beautiful here — why had it taken them so long to find this spot? 

“I can’t believe you. You really live up to your channel name, seriously, you are literally so /fucking/ amazing for doing this for me- well, for everything. What would I have done had I not met you again? Oh, right, gone to uni and been a shitty lawyer that hated his life.” He joked, pressing himself into Phil’s side underneath the waterproof fabric of the umbrella. 

Phil raised his eyebrows as he pressed a quick kiss to Dan’s ear and brought him in closer. “You would’ve dropped out, I think. Just a bit...quicker without me.” Phil sighed silently. Why did Dan like the ‘what if’ game so much? It wasn’t important what /could/ have happened. What was important was that they were together /here/ and together /now/. The past didn’t matter. 

The ‘what-ifs’ mattered even less. 

He didn’t respond. Dan simply pressed his lips against Phil’s decently eagerly, almost sending Phil toppling down to the ground from the force of his boyfriend. It was as if he had just channeled all of his love for Phil into one singular kiss? “I’m so glad I met you..” he mumbled against Phil's lips. Phil had to fight to keep the umbrella in his grasp. 

“I’m glad I’ve met yo-” Phil was cut off by another kiss, slightly rougher. He chuckled at Dan against his mouth. 

You could see them kissing atop the hill from across the lake, they swore. In the reflection of the puddles they were standing in was by far the most beautiful area imaginable. It was a picture perfect moment, one you’d stick in a scrapbook or keep as a lock screen. 

Everything was perfect.  
\----  
Today, Dan decided it wouldn’t matter too much to leave his hair bloody curly again. The week since Phil pulled him into the puddle (Dan was still a /bit/ angry at that) was all around very calm and nice. All they were really doing today was lounging and cleaning up the cabin from their month-long use anyway, so Dan had no reason to. Plus, Phil started convincing him to leave it more and more and he wasn't exactly minding it as much as he did just a few months ago? Phil was starting to boost his confidence in himself more than he could’ve ever remembered feeling. 

Regardless, he was feeling particularly bored today and decided hey, maybe he could open his laptop and try get some work done? Yeah, yeah, blah, blah, this vacation was supposed to make him /forget/ about his work but the time to go home was fast approaching and pretty damn soon, his script /would/ be due. He couldn’t put it off much longer. He wouldn’t force it on the trip, but maybe everything would come better to him because his head was relatively clear again? He just didn't want an abundance of work waiting for him when he got home. 

He opened the lid of his laptop and brushed off a few flecks of dust — how long had it /been/ since he’d been on this? It felt like an ancient relic, would he even remember how to turn it on or how to properly use it? He laughed at that joke, right out loud and Phil looked at him quizzically. He didn’t bother to explain what was so damn funny. 

First, he logged into his Twitter. He had more Twitter mentions than he’d ever seen at once /by far/ and everyone was going haywire for them not being around. He did send out a Tweet, right? Yeah, he did, it was his latest one. Maybe the fans were just outright crazy. 

“DAN PHIL GUYS COME BACK WE'RE /DYING/ WITHOUT UR AWFUL LIFE CHOICES”

“i’m having an awful time without dan and phil around anymore i’m so sad”

“Literally. Counting. Down. The. Days. Till. They. Return.”

“I bet theyre gone becuz theyre getting married (lmao maybe even in JapAn???)”

“#danandphilwontbeback2k18”

“do they lowkey hate us whAT DID WE DO”

‘Jesus Christ,’ was all Dan was able to think. Did they really all think that Dan and Phil hated them or that they were away because they simply wanted to get away? Dan’s mental health was quickly slipping down the drain before they took their break and why were they so pissed off about it? 

Dan rolled his eyes at them and shut Twitter down. He could deal with the Phan’s when they went home. He pulled open the document he was previously having such a difficult time completing and read over it for what felt like forever. Doing just..a bit of work wouldn’t be bad, right?

That’s what he thought hours later when he was /crying/ as he typed the last few bits of the script out. It was a film about dealing with anxiety, mental health and internalized struggles — all of which were things that were very pertinent to Dan, which made him all the more proud of actually completing it. On top of having actually /finished/ the script, it was /so Dan/, too. Witty and serious. There were countless lines he was so proud of coming up with. He no longer felt stress over it, he knew he’d done this job a billion times better than had he completed it while he was so stressed. 

He couldn’t even /remember/ the last time he was /this/proud of a project. 

Soon after he shut his laptop, still balling over how happy he was, Phil had taken his headphones out from watching a rerun of Buffy. What, what was a trip without relaxing with some Sarah Michelle Gellar in front of you? Exactly. 

At first, he swore he almost threw his laptop as he ran to their room in record time — how could he have missed his boyfriend crying?! Shit, no, he was a terrible boyfriend, what had happened? Why hadn’t he spoken with Dan before he started crying over whatever it was? 

“Dan- Dan, oh God, what happen-”

“I finished my script and I’m fucking in love with it!” Dan was laying on his back on the bed, his face bright red. Phil would’ve mistaken Dan for being heartbroken if it had been on the television with the noise muted. 

Phil was..pleasantly surprised, to say the least. “I’m..you actually finished it? I thought you were waiting until we got home to do that..?” Dan shrugged as he rolled over, stuffing his face into the pillow. He laughed into the soft fabric. It wasn’t even funny yet he still laughed?

“I was going to! And-and then I got impatient and it didn’t even take that long! It’s /perfect/, Phil, I’m so happy with it- thank you for bringing me here, I can’t thank you enough..”

Right, what in the everloving /Hell/ was Dan on? Phil couldn't remember a time when Dan was this...grateful. Of course he knew Dan said thank you and this and that but Phil could’ve sworn Dan had something to drink. “Are you drunk?” He laughed. Or had he just gone completely and totally insane? Phil..could honestly see either. Maybe being off the internet for so long has made Dan go a tad crazy? Or maybe it was even a bit of both. 

“Not drunk!” He exclaimed. This was for sure what led Phil into thinking he was. “I’m not drunk, I’m seriously- you haven’t seen me all day, when would I have gotten alcohol? No-” he sat up, wiping his eyes furiously. Okay, deep breaths, he needed to calm down. “Not drunk. Just..very happy.” He murmured. “So damn happy. I’m so excited for everybody to see this film. It’s going to do /fucking/ amazing, Phil, I can’t wait to finish this with you..”

He was for sure drunk. 

“Please, can we cuddle here? It’s our last day, I don’t want to, like, cherish it.” Dan sighed softly, shifting so he was underneath the covers of the bed. His laptop had been long pushed aside. Phil was shuffling underneath the covers alongside his boyfriend. All was well. 

“Hm. Can you believe it’s been so long and we’re leaving tomorrow? Tomorrow, ten at night, we’ll be on a flight back home. A whole /month/ it’s been.” Dan said. He was still moving around, squirming, trying to achieve the best position to lay in while still having Phil fairly comfortable. Quite the hard task, actually, considering Phil was being quiet. 

“Unbelievable. I almost don’t want to go back,” Phil thought back to all of their memories from the past month. They met sheep, broke some glass, danced in the rain, bought an /abundance/ of tea, /tried/ to swim, logged off of all social media (it was hard at first but they managed quite well?), they even properly came out to strangers for the first time. Why would they ever want to go back to the life they had before? Living in a remote place like this cleared their heads and made them see clearer than they probably ever could have before. They would surely need to do this again someday? 

Dan chuckled and smiled, leaning into Phil. “Me neither?” He said, though it was almost a question. Why didn’t he want to go back? It was bittersweet, he figured. He absolutely adored the time away but he was surely ready to get back into the stressful routine of daily, habitual life. They needed to get back to being adults instead of running away from their issues. 

“Mm, I love you,” said Phil, murmuring into his ear. 

“Thank you again. For bringing me.” 

“Anytime.”  
\----  
Conveniently enough, it stopped raining for a slight bit of time as the boys we’re getting ready to depart from their getaway. They had all of their suitcases repacked (though nothing was folded or organized how it was when they arrived), they had taken the time to clean up any and all of their remaining messes in the cabin. They even stocked back up on the amazing tea they had been introduced to.

When Dan slipped his shoes on, he caught glance of Phil behind him, eyebrows furrowed in mass confusion. “Where are you going? Uh, the flight doesn’t leave for another few hours?” Phil mumbled curiously, his head cocking slightly to the side. Dan only shrugged in response, letting out a small laugh at Phil's sheer confusion.

“Maybe we could go to the lake and visit an hour or something?” Phil’s eyes lit up at the suggestion.

It was perfect. Dan didn’t even know what he had coming.

So, Phil assured he grabbed his jacket (even though it was sunny, you never know in Scotland was his /excuse/) and slipped on his shoes as well, quickly making sure to stay right behind Dan. They locked the door and they were off. 

Dan seemed happy enough today. Phil, on the other hand, was happy, though incredibly nervous. Maybe it was the idea of flying back home or maybe he was just nervous to get back in the swing of things. Whatever it was, he had a nervous pit forming in the bottom of his stomach.

When they arrived at the rock that overlooked the lake, there was a rainbow forming from the rain. They definitely couldn’t’ve picked a better day to decide to leave. They both marvelled over how beautiful the calm, shining waters looked, the ends of the rainbow wrapping around the horizon of it all. The colours seemed to shine atop the water. It was breathtaking. Even the birds seemed to be in a better mood than normal, but that was probably only because they could actually fly around without worrying about falling from the pressure of all the rain. 

“Can’t believe you’re /actually/ cuddling me right now. Like, I’m honestly a bit surprised you don’t want to rip my throat out after being trapped alone with me for so damn long.” Dan mumbled into Phil’s shoulder after they decided to sit down and try to kill a bit of time before the flight. Immediately, as usual, Phil’s arms were wrapped securely around Dan’s torso and Dan was genuinely a bit startled and confused as to why.

Phil only shook his head in disbelief. His coat had long since fallen off the rock for the surface was still quite small. “I love you, that’s why.” Was all Phil responded with. “Trapped? Hardly. Besides, I’m the one who brought you here, right? It’d’ve been my fault if I got too irritated with you.” He explained softly. Dan seemed to relax a little bit at the explanation.

It was now or never..

“You’re feeling better than a month ago, right?” Phil asked quietly. He wasn’t looking at the lake anymore, his eyes found their way to Dan’s chocolate hair. He left it curly again this morning. 

“Loads. How can I possibly thank you for everything you’ve done for me?” Dan questioned softly, mumbling a few more incoherent words into Phil’s chest. They dissolved into the air before Phil could actually make them out. 

Phil shrugged quietly. His throat was beginning to swell a bit. “I don’t know. Make the best damn movie you can.” He suggested. Dan shook his head.

“No, no, I mean, like, for everything. Not even just this but everything you’ve done for me. I’ve got no clue how on earth I’m ever supposed to repay you for everything.” He trailed off, a faint sigh escaping his lips. It was definitely reflective times like these where he thought about these sorts of things most. When he knew he was being protected by Phil. 

Phil gulped. How was he even supposed to bring this up? Dan was starting to get rather down on himself and he knew it would make him feel better, it’d probably be so reassuring but simply /how/ did he ease into it? Segues were easier said than done, apparently. He wasn’t very good at spontaneously easing into stuff, apparently. 

“Y’don’t need to repay me,” Phil murmured, squeezing his eyes shut. His throat was starting to lock up again. He could /not/ fuck this up…

“You seem upset.” Dan stated. He pulled out of Phil's grasp slightly, looked properly up at him. He was frowning at Phil, it almost seemed as if he were in pain or something? 

Phil shook his head, choked on a cough. “You're getting sick?” Dan asked, frowning slightly again. Phil was definitely acting off and Dan was now quite eager to find out why.

“Not sick, not sick,” Phil murmured, “just a bit nervous, I guess?” He looked away from Dan. If he looked at Dan any longer, he’d start to feel guilty about everything and he really just wanted to /get it over with/ but he couldn’t! His throat simply wouldn’t make the noises necessary to do this. It was just a simple goddamn question! And he was already /positive/ he knew what the answer was going to be so why was he so scared? 

Maybe because it might /not/ turn out exactly how he planned in his head? 

“Nervous? For what? Love, are you sure you’re feeling alright?” It caught Phil off guard a bit, Dan calling him love again. He coughed once again, shaking his head. 

“I’ll..I’ll be fine. Can I..talk to you about something?” Dan widened his eyes. 

No- no, no, no, no. /Phil was going to break up with him/. 

Dan shook his head, his breath catching in his throat Why else would Phil look so solemn and upset? His words — in Dan’s mind, at least — had a malicious, unnerving tone to them, even though they probably didn’t. Maybe he was overreacting. Maybe Dan just needed to hear him out, actually listen to what he was going to say. 

That’s not to say it didn’t stop him from worrying, though. 

“N-no? Dan, no, I really need to talk to you..” Phil tried his hardest to play it off — what exactly it was, he didn’t know — but making it seem bad when it was such a good thing sounded like a good idea at the time. Right? “I just..want to ask you something- but you’ve got to hear me out, okay?” He asked quietly. 

Phil took a slight pause as he waited for Dan’s response. Looking over the lake, staring at the rainbow, his heart started racing faster. Dan’s hold on him was turning cold and sour. Phil was a bit overly scared of the reaction, honestly. If Dan responded negatively, his whole /life/ would be ruined! 

“Yes, yeah, I’m sorry, I’ll listen to you. Go ahead.”

Snapped out of his daze for good, he knew it was now or never. He couldn’t back down now. Taking a deep breath in, he bit on his lip, shut his eyes and mentally prepared himself for what was to come. “Look. Right, so I’ve been thinking about this a while, and I’m kind of sure you have too. I know you were feeling quite low before we came and I know how good you feel now, and don’t get me wrong, I’m over the moon with how happy you are now!” He stopped to take a breath, inhaling sharply. Dan’s heart was racing faster and faster in his chest. All of this was just leading to the words he was dreading most and he knew it would come. How was he supposed to prepare for a breakup like this? He was fully ready to get married, have some dogs, have kids. He couldn’t go through this — he could /not/ deal with a breakup! 

“But..I don’t know. You kind of still want to repay me, right?” Phil’s heart stopped in his chest. 

His jacket. 

Fumbling around, he was broken from Dan’s hold on him to bend down and grab his jacket from the wet ground. As expected, the pen was in his left pocket — right where he left it. Fishing for the black marker and then throwing his jacket back on the ground, he planted his feet right in front of Dan, standing up. Dan was now sitting straight, more dreadful and confused as ever. Just as he was about to stand up, Phil grabbed ahold of his wrist and stopped him — “no, Dan, stay here. I’ve got a question. So you want to repay me? The only thing that makes me happy is seeing you happy. And...I’m assuming this’ll have you over the moon, right?” 

By this point, Dan was /so/ confused. His emotions were /everywhere/, was Phil breaking up with him or not? Jesus Christ, this was crazy. Just get on with it! He sat, trembling, awaiting the next part of Phil’s speech. 

“Okay, stay quiet then. Will you..make me happy and, uh, find a few dogs, a proper house, maybe a kid or two? We could throw a wedding in there, say?”

Dan felt tears forming in his eyes before Phil even finished what he was saying. “No- no, no, you’re- you’re /joking/,” Dan murmured, shaking his head. “No, this is where you tell me you want to break up with me,” he let out a small, unsatisfied laugh, “don’t- you’re not being /serious/-”

Phil shook his head, his eyebrows raising. Was Dan going to say no? He /couldn’t/...

And with that, Dan let out a quiet squeal. Phil stood, eerily still, the rainbow above him seeming like a halo. He didn’t know if this was a good or bad reaction. “Yes? No?” He asked softly. He was removing the cap from the Sharpie marker and putting it on over and over again, it was keeping him grounded. Dan was starting to remind him of a woman for God’s sake, he was /all over the damn place/. 

“Yes! Yes, yes, a million fucking times yes!” Dan exclaimed. As of character and odd he was probably acting, he didn’t even realize because /oh my God, I’m getting married to Phil fucking Lester- imagine what the fans are going to say/!

Tears welled in both of their eyes as Phil pulled the younger man in for a hug. Wrapping his arms around Dan’s broad shoulders and squeezing, a small whimper escaped his lips as he voiced how relieved he was. “I hadn’t the chance to get a proper ring so I brought a Sharpie marker. I hope that's alright? I thought it was kind of fitting, you know, Sharpies, Dan and Phil, cat whiskers, cute, right?” He mumbled. Dan nodded, smiled, gave Phil his ring finger to draw the pretend ring on. Phil happily did so and pressed a gentle kiss to the inked skin afterwards, mumbling about how happy he was Dan accepted the proposal. He couldn’t wait to tell their families. He knew they’d all be over the goddamn moon for their happiness and future. 

Phil had really thought this all out, hadn’t he?  
\----  
Dan and Phil left the cabin in Scotland with more memories than they could count together, with more adoration for each other and with black, drawn rings on each of their ring fingers. They were engaged. They were going to get married. Dan was giddy the whole boat ride and flight home and Phil kept having to remind him they were in a public place. Dan didn’t care though, he never seemed to. He was expected to contain his excitement when he was going to get /married to the love of his life/? Yeah right. 

When they got off the plane in London, the air smelt different. The atmosphere felt different. It was calmer, cleaner, just a bit more tolerable than before. Their minds were clearer. Maybe it was just because of the buzz they were still both on. Neither of them could calm down, their happiness was still /so/ high and /amazing/. It was as if their heads had opened up to something new. Something better. 

When they got home, their bags of luggage were in hand and they pushed the door open for the first time in a month. The flat was the exact same. They settled in easier than ever, properly connected to the slow wifi they had installed. When Dan tweeted a simple, ‘hey guys, how’s the month been without me?’, everyone went /insane/. 

Dan laughed out loud. “I love our viewers. Seems they love us quite a bit too, right?” Dan was sat in his sofa-crease comfortably. They left the luggage to be unpacked for later. If there was anything the cabin didn’t have, it was definitely the comfortable sofa they had at home. Nothing could replace it.

“Me too! They’re hilarious. Uh..wait, you remember when we talked about coming out, right? I..think this would be a good time. Just got home, won’t overthink it, you know?” Phil’s eyes drifted to Dan again. He noticed how curly his hair was — for sure a side effect from the moisture that was outside and how hot it must’ve been in the airplane. It was beautiful, the way his fragile curls hung down across his forehead. Phil couldn’t believe Dan hated the way he looked like this. 

Dan nodded. Wouldn’t overthink it. Amazing idea. “Maybe the photo you took today at the lake? You kissed my head, had our hands in it?” Dan asked aloud, raising his eyebrows, ever-so-slightly. Phil grinned and nodded furiously. 

As he opened Twitter up, everything seemed to happen in slow-motion. The composite of the Tweet, adding the picture, typing the caption. This was the moment their eight years of pure love was leading up to. 

This was it. 

Don’t overthink it.

‘@danielhowell and Is first kiss at the cabin x I love you!!’ Was all the Tweet was. Attached was a photo of Phil kissing Dan’s curls, them both smiling so widely, so /damn/ genuinely. As imaginable, the viewers didn’t have an idea how to properly respond. They went ballistic. 

Dan chuckled when he got the mention. His reply to the Tweet was rather simple and witty — very Dan-esque — ‘first kiss? guys, i think he’s gone insane? maybe first as fiancées but definitely not our first kiss ever ;)’


End file.
